We’ve all heard about how dangerous video games are from a variety of crackpots who vilify their violent content and penchant for teaching kids how to murder people, but it’s not often that the virgin-white Wii is branded dangerous. Fortunately, Dr. Bret Bruder has come out to keep America’s idiocy levels rising, by claiming that the Wii is a dangerous machine ready to ensnare and then hurt unsuspecting gamers.
The emergency department doctor warned viewers about the perils of Nintendo’s albino waggle-box on Cincinnati television, pointing out how complaints ranging from sore muscles to outright injuries are piling up. Remember, as Americans, it’s your constitutional right to not have it your fault if you strain your own muscles past their comfort limits.
But wait! What’s that, faithful SG reader? You say that if you hurt yourself playing on the Wii, you’re a tool and it’s your fault? You’re absolutely correct! However, if that’s so, then who are we to blame for our problems with video games? Mainstream media outlet The Star-Gazette reports that parents, not videogames, are responsible for the development of their own children. As such, if you’re a parent, and not trying to actually keep your children from not getting addicted to video games, then you’re not just part of the problem, you are, in all actuality, the problem. Brilliant! Finally I’m able to blame my parents for why I’m such an antisocial person!
So everyone, what have we learned today?
-If you get hurt, it’s not your fault, it’s Nintendo’s for making you get up
-An E.R. doctor is a credible source for why children have “ouchies”.
-Remember to do some parenting every now and then, as only you can prevent forest fires … errr, I mean, can do the job of parenting, not an electronic box.