Goose poop attack at Disneyland

Animals are out to ruin your summer. That includes those big summer trip plans you’ve made.

Disneyland became a scene of horror and panic last Friday night when a flock of geese attacked the most iconic attraction at Disneyland, the Sleeping Beauty Castle. According to authorities, the geese pooped on nearly 20 tourists, many of them children. The attack happened just as crowds were gathering for the nightly fireworks show. The cowardly geese could not have picked a better time for their attack.

A hazardous materials team was dispatched to clean up the victims, who are said to be recovering from the trauma, and were given a change of clothes by the park.

‘Would you like to pet my elephant?’

Everyone, not just Republicans, hates poor people. They’re smelly because they seldom shower. They jangle cups without so much as actually asking you if you want some change, and the seldom come up with signs that do not end in “God Bless You.”

Just imagine how it could be if homeless people were elephants. In Thailand, that’s how they roll.

Elephant begging in Thailand is a huge problem. Apparently these things are roaming around the streets of cities, finding tourists and stopping. They then make their human companion species traitors ask for money for the honor of feeding the elephant. Not only are these poor tourists forced to feed the enemy, they have to pay tribute!

Well, no more will that be the case in the country. The government has decided to crack down on it. Southeast Asia: once again, leading the way in the War on Animals.