A man from Hillsboro, Oregon has been arrested and charged with assault after allegedly attacking customers at a Toys ‘R Us store with … drum roll please … wait for it … two plastic lightsabers.
The man, armed with two lightsabers and his abnormally high mitochondrial count, started swinging the toy weapons at customers in the store last week. You can just see the transition from Jedi to Sith.
When the police were called, the 33 year-old moved out to the car park. When cops confronted him there, he began attacking them with the lightsabers, and when one officer shot a taser at him he “knocked one of the wires away”. Such skill and finesse.
It was all for naught, though. Police eventually got the better of Master Porkins, who now faces “allegations of disorderly conduct, theft, assault, resisting arrest and interfering with a police officer”.
This year’s Black Friday seems to have been a bit more sedate than it has been in the past. There don’t seem to be any reports of super humongous violence for attendees outside of a scant few here or there. In my neck of the woods, I haven’t heard of any news of horror, despite rumors of around 700 people standing outside the local Toys R Us.
But not all Toys R Us are full of order and joy.
We bring you news of fear and terror from the scariest of all places-Wisconsin. While waiting in the cold for the Black Friday shopping joy, a woman from Middleton, Wisconsin, began pushing her way to the front of the line, allegedly threatening to show her gun as her “reason for being in the front.”
Of course, that was all for not, as no actual gun was found on her. Nonetheless, the lady found out that you can’t just say you’ve got a gun on you and still go to the front of lines. It tends to get you arrested.