Vermont in chaos after maple syrup spill

Our hearts go out to those affected by last night’s horrible tragedy in Vermont last night. We offer our thoughts and prayers as recovery efforts begin.

The northbound lanes of Interstate 91 had to be shut down last night after a barrel of maple syrup fell off a truck and coated the roadway. Authorities say the incident happened just a few miles away from the Canadian border. We don’t know the origin or destination of the cargo, but it seems reasonable to guess that Vermont’s famous maple syrup was being shipped up to Canada.

With incidents like these, it’s a wonder that Canada doesn’t build a wall to keep this kind of danger out.

Drones harass gridlocked drivers

The robots may not be strong enough to overtake us yet, but they can taunt us. It should come as no surprise that it will be Uber that does us in.

Drivers stuck in traffic in Mexico City probably aren’t in the best of moods in the first place. Now they have to deal with drones buzzing around their cars making fun of them. The drones carry signs shaming drivers for driving, and driving alone, at that.

This seems like a good reason for Mexico City drivers to carry guns with them, in case they aren’t already.

The kind of love where traffic stops

It's going to be a bitch trying to get to the wedding.
It’s going to be a bitch trying to get to the wedding.

There is no love on the highway, and there is no love in Houston.

It’s the kind of thing you’d imagine in the final act of a romantic comedy: a man stops traffic on a busy highway to ask the woman he loves for her hand in marriage. (She said yes.) It was all caught on camera and posted on Instagram. But things may not be happily ever after just yet for the engaged couple. The groom-to-be has been charged with a misdemeanor for shutting down Interstate 45 in Houston for an estimated 35 seconds, because Texans take their ability to roam very seriously. The bride may face charges, herself.

Of course, when the story went viral, it was all OK, because there was an outpouring of love and support from the online community. Kidding! They were rounding criticized online by people who they had never met, because the internet is horrible. Cheers to the happy couple once they get out of jail!

Justice, finally, for the disabled

Police in Queensland, Australia charged a 64-year-old disabled man for “drink driving” (isn’t the Queen’s English the cutest?) … his wheelchair.

He was found asleep in the middle of the highway with a BAC of .301, which is over six times the legal limit. Traffic was forced to swerve around him.

At news of this poor man’s capture, all this blog can say is finally. Handicapped people get everything, from premium parking to their own Olympics, and we are sick and tired of it.

Sure, it’s sad they can’t walk, but we can’t palm a basketball. Where’s our multi-million-dollar Special NBA contracts? We also can’t roll our tongues when speaking Español, but our speech impediment didn’t get us into any special schools. But we’re digressing.

Point is, it’s about time someone levelled the playing field for those of us who don’t get to sit down all day.

Schadenfreude: International blend

Good morning! And what a morning it is: the dawning of yet another wonderful day!

Just think of the day you have ahead of you: showering, sitting in traffic, going to work, eating a lousy lunch with people you hate, sitting in more traffic, cooking dinner, cleaning the kitchen — all while trying not to beat your children! Goodness, but these are blessed times, aren’t they?

No, they aren’t. When your only relaxation is going to a gym to work out, you really hate the people that make it look so easy. People like, oh, Martha Stewart …

Well, guess who’s persona non gratis in the United Kingdom? Yep, Martha’s life was easy when she was given insider trading tips, but now she’s not allowed to visit investors and business partners in Merry Olde England.

And that, we think, is a good thing.

Mm, Schadenfreude: make it every morning’s shameful joy.

The McBournie Minute: The hazards of mass transit

If you’re like most Americans, you have at job. (In some cases, two jobs. Thanks, economy!) The only thing worse than work on a Monday is the process of getting to and from work everyday. Odds are if you live some place people want to live, you’re going to be dealing with plenty of other people hurrying to work.

At my last job, I did not have this problem. I worked five minutes away from my office. It sounds insanely short, but that is what happens when you live and work on an island. You can only drive so far before you either hit a bridge or water. It also came in handy because I worked as a reporter for the local newspaper. When something happened outside of work hours, (breaking news like fires, accidents and elementary school plays) I was there to make sure we got a picture. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: The hazards of mass transit