Tag: transformers

There’s a new neighbor in space’s cul-de-sac

Alpha Centauri. It’s a galaxy that space nerds named. We don’t exactly know where it is or how many smelly French people live in it, but we do know it exists.

As of this week, we also know that there is a planet in it. SPACE SCIENCE!

As it is, this is pretty big news, discovery-wise, but science fiction nerds around the internet are blowing their lids. Why? Because Alpha Centauri is a fairly significant universe when it comes to science fiction, whether it’s giant transforming robots or a galactic federation composed of pointy-eared people with crew cuts.

Now, does the newly discovered planet, known as eso1241 (real creative, science), actually have any life? Who knows, but if so, I’m sure we’ll be able to subjugate it.

Take it from Snee: Pros and cons of surviving 2011

Whenever I approach a new year, I like to take stock of what I survived. I like to think of myself less as a time traveler stuck in forward linear motion at an uninterruptible rate and more of a time warrior, cleaning out the runners of my time sword as I prepare to skewer another year.

So, here’s an entirely subjective list of what went right and wrong in 2011 before greeting Bolon Yokte as an old friend at midnight, Jan. 1. Continue reading Take it from Snee: Pros and cons of surviving 2011

MasterChugs Theater: ‘Transformers: Dark of the Moon’

This is it, the big summer blockbuster for 2011: Transformers: Dark of the Moon. We’ve seen how I felt about Transformers and how I felt about Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (here’s a hint for the latter: my opinion has not changed for the better since first seeing it). So, is this one any good? Did it out-Bay Michael Bay himself? DOES SHIA LEBOUF GROW FACIAL HAIR?

Well, I’d tell you, but you’ll have click the jump to find out. What can I say, I like a good cliffhanger. Oh, there might be some spoilers here and there, but I’ll try to keep them minimal. Just a warning if I slip up. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘Transformers: Dark of the Moon’

Can they transform into good movies?

You see, people? This: this is what happens when you see a movie that you know will suck, but pay for the privilege anyway. (We are not exceptions.)

Transformers 3 is in the works.

You know what that means. More Linkin Park. More “is Megan Fox legitimately hot vs. skanky hot” debates. More John Malkovich, Frances McDormand and Ken Jeong.

… Wait, what?

Just when we think we can walk away from what will be the loudest, most Michael Bayingest train wreck ever, he throws the careers of two Academy Award-winners into the dining car. Now we have to watch.

MasterChugs Theater: I’m with stupid

Please forgive me for this column-it was probably a lot more relevant, say, a few weeks or so ago, but I’m just now getting around to writing it. Also, this might be a fairly long rant. Not only that, there’s definitely some coarse language. My apologies in advance.

Noted movie critic Roger Ebert absolutely destroyed Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen in his review of said movie. He was then assaulted by a largess of invective and contrary opinions sent his way. Some of these were well-worded.

Many were not.

In a defense (of sorts), he then wrote a piece about how it’s okay to like a bad movie, but just don’t think that it’s the greatest piece of film ever, instead looking to expand your horizons. He was still textually assaulted.

Me, I’ll just go for the throat: If you think that Michael Bay is a talented filmmaker, you are a moron. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: I’m with stupid

Impressionable youth does something stupid, manages to live

Protip: Gasoline is not Energon.

Protip: If you decide to drink gasoline, your IQ probably won’t drop but so low. After all, it’s not as if it’s incredibly high to begin with.

Protip: Keeping a child hydrated is very expensive, and even more so these days with rising gas prices.

Protip: If a child stumbles in a house smelling as if they’ve kissed a gas pump, he or she probably has.

Protip: If your child is drinking lighter fluid, that’s not exactly a good sign to begin with.

MasterChugs Theater: ‘Transformers’

Hey there readers. Chugs has had a ridiculously heavy week at work, and frankly, is frazzled at a creative standpoint. Truth told, that sentence may not have actually made any sense, or at least, the last part of it didn’t seem to. It doesn’t help that he’s still got stuff on his plate for the rest of the week. In the meantime, why don’t you enjoy a classic review of his? At least you can see what a good Transformers movie directed by Michael Bay is-as opposed to a more recent one.

Let the review for Transformers, the 2007 Bay-centric version, begin! By the way, there will probably be a few spoilers here and there, so heed that as the warning.

Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘Transformers’

Take it from Snee: What Michael Bay doesn’t know

Seriously, isn't this just Megan Fox and not a character?There’s an old favorite insult of mine, that “what you don’t know could fill a book.” It’s used when someone confesses to ignorance in response to what someone else said.

What Michael Bay doesn’t know could fill an entire movie. The unfortunate thing for the Zuckers and Wayans of the world is that Michael Bay has made this film, and it’s Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen.

If you’re one of the 70 people in America that didn’t see this movie, then let me warn you: there are spoilers in this article. I don’t say that to warn you, but to assure you that, by the end, you won’t be “at least curious” about seeing this movie. (You’re welcome.)

Just remember that, as you read each point, Bay is allegedly–by his own and others’ accounts–a very demanding director, prone to emotional outbursts and long hours to perfect his vision. His behavior is excused because, as much as he pushes others, he’s supposedly even harder on himself. Continue reading Take it from Snee: What Michael Bay doesn’t know

MasterChugs Theater: ‘Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen’

BOOM! BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM! CHUNK-CHUNK-CHUNK-CHUNK-CHONK. ZOOM!

That’s the recurring theme of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. The giant robots from another planet are back, but this time, they range in sizes other than just giant. Nonetheless, it’s big, it’s loud, so get used to it!

But is it any good? Well, the answer just may very well surprise you.

Hit the jump to see my take on the movie. Oh, and as a warning, you should probably expect some spoilers. I’m going to attempt to keep them mild, but caveat … uh, whatever pig latin is for reader. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen’