N.J. city to scare off crows with awesome fireworks, laser show

The capital of New Jersey is under siege. It’s been going on all winter, and the city government is going to fight back. That’s bad news if you’re a crow.

Citizens of Trenton have complained about the 30,000 some odd crows that arrived this winter and show no signs of leaving. They’re loud in the morning, they crap everywhere, and worst of all, they’re animals. Starting today, the city is teaming up with the USDA to get the crows out of town. Let’s run down what they plan to use:

  • Pyrotechnics — Hell yeah, crows hate KISS concerts.
  • Lasers — Unclear on whether this goes along with the concert idea, or whether the lasers are more the “pew pew” variety.
  • Spotlights — Blind the little suckers. That’ll show ’em!
  • Recordings of crow distress calls — Not sure how fighting loud birds with recordings of loud birds solves anything, but go for it.
  • Crow effigies — They’re going to put fake crows up around town? Maybe they think that when the fake crows don’t respond to conversation they’ll get bored and leave. Or maybe they’ll burn the crow effigies. Eat it, crows!

It seems obvious to state that we are heartened to see one city getting tough on our animal foes. It’s time we take the fight to them.

Polly wants a distraction

One of the most powerful advantages one can control in war is the ability to misdirect the enemy. When you control what your enemy thinks is going on, you can control his actions and then move in. It seems we are not the only species on the planet that has refined war to an art form.

In Trenton, New Jersey, police responded to a complaint from neighbors who said they heard cries for help coming from a house. Now, this is nothing unusual for Jersey, but for some reason, the police felt they should look into this distress call.

“Help me! Help me!” was all they could hear when they knocked on the door, so the broke it down to help whoever was inside. The problem was, no one was home but a bird of some sort (the story is vague on that).

The alleged bird was clearly trying to distract law enforcement from the real danger. For all we know there was a prison break at the zoo or something.