PSA: 262 pieces of candy will kill you

It’s Halloween, which means it’s nearly time to put up your Veterans’ Day decorations. But before we get to that fun, there is still the tradition of harassing neighbors into giving you candy, better known as trick-or-treating. This year, The Guys want to make sure that you don’t kill yourself with candy.

So how much candy would it take to kill you? About 262 “fun size” Halloween treats for an adult, researcher say. That comes out to 5.4 pounds of sugar, which is pretty gross to think about. With such levels of sugar in your body, there’s a very good chance you wouldn’t survive.

And because we want you to stay safe and give us more hits in the future, we’re here to tell you to practice moderation. Only each 250 or fewer pieces of Halloween candy in a sitting.

Pharmacy gives kids bipolar medicine for Halloween

Did you know that they celebrate Halloween in Canada, too? It’s true. And unlike their so-called “Thanksgiving,” they celebrate Halloween on Oct. 31, just to be more like America.

One big difference is that they give out candy at pharmacies. That’s how trick-or-treaters were accidentally treated to some bipolar medicine. Authorities in Quebec City say a woman picked up some bipolar medicine for her son, but dropped it at the pharmacy. Another customer saw it and put it next to a candy jar. Somehow, an employee put the pills in with the candy.

Just another benefit of free health care.

An alliance forged in Hell

What’s scarier than animals or satanic worship? Animals and satanic worship.

Zoos around the country are encouraging children to dress as witches and Neil Cavuto and “trick or treat” on their grounds. Moronic parents are all for it because they “see the parties as a safer alternative to knocking on the doors of strangers.”

Some zoos even brought in child psychologists to make sure the displays aren’t too damning scary.

OK, so your kid walks up to a door at the zoo, it opens and just as they say “trick or treat” —

Well, isn’t that safe and not scary? The worst part is that the animals have struck another blow against our population and the kid goes to Hell because their last moments were spent in devilish mischievory.

Way to go parents. And shame on you, zoos.