There is an ongoing hostage situation in Eugene, Oregon, and unfortunately young people are among those being held hostage. The suspects: wild turkeys.
The campus of Lane Community College has been swamped by wild turkeys that don’t appear to be afraid of humans. The flightless birds are harassing people who get too close, and there are reports of turkey poop covering the campus. A city council member referred to the turkeys as “gangsters.”
If the turkeys refuse to leave a college campus even though no one wants them there, we suspect a better term for them is “alt-right free speech advocates.”