Jive turkeys invade Boston

Turkeys are taking over Boston. And of course, conservationist traitors are just fine with it.

According to police records, complaints about turkeys in the greater Boston area have skyrocketed in the past three years. These earthbound birds walk around like they own the place and chase after any unarmed human who dares challenge them. Massachusetts wildlife officials say this increase means that efforts to bring back wild turkeys to the area really are working. But when it comes to human safety they stick their heads in the sand.

These things are regularly harassing people on their own property, and all these self-loathing wildlife folks can do is marvel at the foul fowl’s recovery.

Let’s all grab a musket and celebrate Thanksgiving in a more authentic way this year. For Boston!

Wild Turkey(s)

Tired of seeing their bretheren slain for us giving thanks, the turkeys have started fighting back. Don’t let the dull eyes and sumptious breasts fool you, these dangerous beasts are out for blood.

In Wisconsin these demon birds are attacking postal workers on their daily routes. Our nations’ mail carriers were supplied with water pistols to fend off the feathered freaks, but apparently they are adapting.

Save a postal worker, kill a turkey.