Scientist are working on cyborg turtles

Technically, this is a robot turtle, but you get it.

The main problem with animals is that we can’t control them. You can say you have your dog trained, but when the food supply runs out, who’s really the master? Cats do whatever they want, and every other animal you come into contact with does whatever it feels like doing at that time. Thanks to science, soon we will have remote-controlled turtles.

Researchers in South Korea are working on creating cyborg turtles. If everything goes according to plan, you could one day control the movements of a turtle using only your mind. These folks want to put a system onto a turtle’s shell that would send it signals on which way to navigate. The human controlling it would wear a headset that would read brainwaves, and send commands to the turtle-mounted system over wifi.

So basically, it’s Dino Riders, but in real life. The future is going to be awesome.

Summer traffic somehow gets worse

Animals are all about stopping our progress, and part of that is stopping the flow of regular human traffic.

We take you first to Germany. There, a motorist reported a dead badger lying in the middle of the road. Turns out the badger was just passed out drunk from eating overripe cherries. As we have said in the past, booze and animals just don’t mix.

Next, back over to the good ol’ U.S. of Alpha, where it was a normal day at John F. Kennedy International Airport in New York on Wednesday–that is until the runway was invaded with turtles. Not just regular turtles, not even ninja turtles. They were horny turtles, and they delayed flights (like JFK needs any help in reasons for delayed flights) while workers shooed them away. The turtles are still at large.

Fear the (sea) turtle

Turtles are a huge threat to our society. They can live for over 100 years, they eat whatever they want and some during their teen years become mutant ninjas. Of all turtles, it is the sea turtles that pose the biggest threat.

One leatherback turtle was recently tracked swimming from the shores of Indonesia to the coast of Oregon. The turtle was tracked a satellite tracking device, and scientists are saying it might be the longest migration of any animal with a backbone in the ocean. Basically, that means the sea turtle is the ICBM of the animal world.

What shocks this blog is the cowardice of the turtle. Rather than stand and fight like a man, your average turtle will either swim away or tuck itself into its shell. No wonder their bellies are yellow.