Wait. North Korea (a.k.a. Best Korea to its leadership and former basketball-playing friends) has an official Flickr and Twitter account?
North Korea opened its Twitter account in 2010. It has more than 13,000 followers. The North uses the social media to praise its system and leaders and also to repeat commentaries sent out by North’s official Korean Central News Agency.
And they have more followers than us? Do they #teamfollowback and retweet? Because The Guys could use that kind of publicity …
No! We mustn’t trade our love of freedom for web page hits. SeriouslyGuys.com proudly endorses democracy and liberty. (Please share that last sentence with your friends.)
I realize that every industry wants to have their own fake holiday, but it’s getting a bit excessive. For example, yesterday was National Cherry Pie day. Today is National Margarita Day. Far be it from me to say we shouldn’t have holidays celebrating anything booze related, but who decides these things? Did the National Association of Tequila Distillers form a coalition with Lime Farmers of America to create this? Also, if you drink margaritas in February, and you don’t live on a beach, you have a problem. If you were busy writing your acceptance speech this week, odds are you missed it.
Fox joins the turtles
Remember Michael Bay’s plan to ruin the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, now that he’s more or less finished crapping on the Transformers? Turns out it’s still very much in the works, as Bay announced this week that Megan Fox has been cast as April O’Neil, the turtles’ reporter friend. Bay said he is excited about the project, and that with the help of CGI, Fox will seem almost lifelike on screen.
Change comes slow in the South
With the recent success of Lincoln, which is up for a ton of Oscars this weekend, the 13th Amendment has been enjoying quite a bit of fame. However, the amendment, which banned slavery went without approval from Mississippi until recently. The state legislature never voted on the measure until 1995, and even then, the paperwork wasn’t filed until a professor figured it out a few weeks ago. When the state finally got its act together and ratified the 13th Amendment, they decided to break out the fire hoses just for old time’s sake.
Twitter breaks deal news yet again
It was a rough week on Twitter for a couple companies, after their accounts got hacked. First, Burger King’s account was hacked, sending out tweets that it had been sold to McDonald’s, and a day later, Jeep’s account was posting that it had been sold to Cadillac. Later in the week, Donald Trump was hacked, too. His followers first realized that it had happened when his tweets began lacking his typical air of douchbaggery.
Pope Benedict XVI launched his official Twitter account, @Pontifex, today and used his first tweet to bless everyone. It was a good start for the pontiff, but papal analysts believe tomorrow’s tweets will be along the lines of, “Not really sure what Twitter is for,” followed by participation in hashtag games like #biblequoteswithfood and #S–tOurFatherSays.
The account will remain active until either His Holiness dies and the Cardinals elect an even older new pope … or when he accidentally tweets a picture of his penis that was supposed to be a direct message to one lucky follower.
The Arizona Department of Transportation has a problem: a population that lacks haboob awareness. They want to encourage drivers to pull over and let the infamous dust storms (What did you think a haboob is?) pass.
Fortunately, Arizona knows the secret to learning and retaining new facts: haikus. You know, like when you had to remember the order of the planets and your teacher taught you the Planet Order Haiku?
Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn,
Neptune and Pluto.
See? Way easier to remember than the individual names of the planets and their position in the solar system.
Earlier this week, we brought you the stunning self-realization of a soccer team owner that it turns out he doesn’t actually like soccer. Now, we turn our sights to another revelation from a different boring sport: golf.
Keegan Bradley took a lot of grief on Twitter for his recent performance in the Northern Trust Open in Los Angeles, but not for losing the three-way playoff at the end. [Editor’s Note: it turned out the three-way was a three person golf tournament, proving last paragraph’s point.] No, golf enthusiasts were stunned by Bradley’s constant expectorating during the televised event.
After reviewing the footage, Bradley responded on his own Twitter account, saying he had no idea how much he spits and pledged to swallow more from here on out.
See, PGA? It doesn’t take much to sex up a game where men use wood to sink their balls in holes.
If there’s one thing people love, it’s an apology. The more public or documented, the more it shows how humbled the offender truly was provides satisfaction for the aggrieved. Of course, they don’t always go as planned.
The West Yorkshiretonville police have released the apology letter of a convicted British burglar that he was forced to write by his young offenders’ program. And, he gave the sincerest forced apology he could muster: by apologizing for how stupid his victim was to have left their downstairs window open at night. While it was released to the public and run in newspapers around the world, the letter was not delivered to the victim to spare their feeli — whoops.
I was out in Colorado last week, and figured I’d make up for a lack of TifS with a travelogue detailing my drunken debaucheries pleasant trip with my wife. Unfortunately, it appears that fate and the news cycle had other plans for me.
After all, who am I to argue that a story about a U.S. Representative named Weiner (D-Jockeys) sexting pictures of his wiener is less newsworthy than some breathtaking scenery from our great nation’s minimally spoiled wildernesses?
I can’t. This story is bigger than you, me and (clearly) Anthony Weiner. It’s the white penis in the room. It’s Brett Favre and Kanye West dutch-ruddering each other while former U.S. Rep. Christopher Lee (R-Shirtless) flexes in the corner and the whole country calling them gay.