I am alarmed by the cries of my kinsman, Ook, and seek him out. I find him behind a large stone some paces away from our lean-to: a temporary lodging made of sticks, leaves and hides that we use on longer hunting trips.
There Ook is squatting above the ground, making his morning constitutional. I steel myself, expecting to apply suction to a poisonous snake wound or kill a stalking saber tooth cat.
Ook makes a strange sound: “Look.”
I cock my head sideways and scratch my armpit to signal that I do not understand.
Ook makes the same sound again, this time pointing down. “Look.” He then adds more strange utterances: “Look what I make.”
He perceives that I still don’t understand and stands up, pointing down at a semi-swirled pile of feces. “Poop,” he says as he points to it. “I make poop. You see.”
I realize that Ook has started using language and has chosen to demonstrate this by calling me during his “brown time.” Continue reading Take it from Snee: Communication’s gone to s#*t
It’s Friday, and by now your NCAA tournament brackets are messed up. Well, that’s what you get for gambling. You do know that it’s illegal, right? At this point, you are probably looking to find some sort of diversion from thinking about the massive losses you have incurred. If you were busy getting stalked by a guy on the set of “Dancing with the Stars,” odds are you missed it.
Everyone get ready for another bracelet campaign
Lance Armstong fell in the first stage of some bike race in Spain, breaking his collar bone. Along with it, Armstrong shattered the hopes and dreams of young Americans everywhere who dream of growing up and pedaling really fast professionally. Luckily, he did not break his Twitter, as evidenced by the fact that he continued tweeting leading up to his surgery. Still being investigated: if tweeting and riding caused the accident in the first place.
Gun gun be gun, gun gun be gun gun
Things are not good for Rihanna. Even though she’s now 21, a year by rights she should not have to remember, she is got a boyfriend who allegedly hits her, she is catching heat for staying with him anyway, and um, Jay-Z probably has something to say about all of it, too. Clearly, it is time for some image recovery. Rihanna knows this, that is why she got a tattoo of a gun near her right armpit. Perfect! Now we can no longer associate you with violence!
Nobody lies to Congress but Congress
Major League Baseball’s Miguel Tejada was sentenced to one year of probation, a $5,000 fine and 100 hours of community service for lying to Congress about his use of performance enhancing drugs. That’s right folks, let the word go our hence forth that if you want to do illegal drugs and then lie about it to federal lawmakers, all it takes is a fraction of your annual salary, some “Kids, don’t do drugs” public service announcements and a year of double-secret probation. Take THAT! Tejada will probably also have to buy his team, the Houston Astros, all lunch or something, too.
We never miss a chance to bash CNN. (Why? Because it’s fun and they link to us.) Apparently Twitter user Rick Sanchez, a reporter for CNN, had his account hacked by a phishing site. We still are not sure whether or not it has to do with one of his tweets yesterday.
“i am high on crack right now might not make it into work today”
Clearly the man was on something, he found himself unable to capitalize or even punctuate his tweet. Sanchez, this is your brain, this is your brain on drugs on Twitter. Any questions?
(I am legally obligated here to plug not only SG’s Twitter, but my own as well.)
But Sanchez wasn’t the only victim to this crime. More people who matter fell prey, like President-elect Barack Obama, Vice President-elect Britney Spears, and Fox News. Did you know that O’Reilly is gay? Apparently so. We here at SG are open-minded and applaud the pundit for coming out, particularly in his line of work. In following with his stance on homosexuality, O’Reilly will now check himself in to rehab/electroshock therapy until he is straight.
(Courtesy of Courtney P.)
Remember drunk dialing? It used to be so much harder when you didn’t have a phone in your pocket with your boss’ or ex-girlfriend’s number programmed into it. But really, drunk dialing is so 2003. It was replaced by drunken MySpacing, Facebooking, etc. (So what do kids these days, drunken YouTubing, Twittering or whatever it is they do?)
One thing that has not gotten passé is e-mailing under the influence. Good news, Gmail users, you don’t have to wake up in the morning wondering if you really did send that rambling manifesto to boss the night before. Yes, the developers at Google are taking a stand against inebriated e-mail with Mail Goggles.
When you enable Mail Goggles, it turns on only on weekends late at night. When you try to send something during this time, a screen pops up asking you if you really want to send it. More so, it does its own Google sobriety check, asking you to answer some math questions in a limited amount of time. Answer incorrectly and say goodbye to drunken e-mail message.
Now if they can find a way to keep me from drunkenly IMing my sister random advice, that’s something I could use.