Terminator 5: Rise of the Resistance to the Machines

When we started the War on Animals, we did so with a clear sense of purpose. Animals were mauling people left and right and stealing our expensively-hormone-injected crops and livestock.

Robots, which can only be considered animals in some Transformer units, have been on our to-do list for a while. The problem was that we needed a Pearl Harbor moment; otherwise, we’d just look like dicks if we declared war on iPads.

Gentlemen (and warlike ladies): we have That Moment. Computer viruses are spreading into humans like monkey AIDS. To borrow the enemy’s binary language, it’s either us or not us (them).

We’d like to add that it’s not our fault that primates are sexy in a Billie Piper sort of way.

Love means never having to sign another treaty

Love. It’s the same all over the world. Unfortunately, so are the downsides of relationships, like break ups (and children).

Imagine two lovers joined together as one, as they had for many, many years. The man starts becoming more and more abusive, so the woman declares herself independent of the man and wins her battle. As with some break ups, the two can’t remain away for too long and start fighting again, with no change in the outcome.

Many years later, the woman comes to the man’s rescue, in the process becoming more powerful than she had ever thought she could become. Now the man sees the woman for her strong, feminine power and respects her for it. In truth, he does pretty much whatever she says.

The man in this story is the British Empire and the strong, empowered woman is the U.S. In case you were wondering the two lovers today are still friends with benefits.