There is nothing about this story that I don’t like

The headline? Love it.

The byline? Love it.

The credible source? Love it.

The source of the story? Love it.

Why do I love it? Because, according to the story, UFO experts tell us that aliens are attacking our sheep. I’d repeat that sentence, but, well, sometimes the proof is just in the pudding.

Don’t look now, but there’s an alien behind you

If you’ve ever wondered exactly how far Jordan is behind the United States in the joke department, the answer is 72 years, 6 months and 30 days.

Jordanian officials nearly evacuated the town of Jafr after their newspaper, Al Ghad, printed on the cover of their April Fools issue that aliens had landed in the town. Once they “arrived,” the aliens reportedly went crazy, Yosemite Sam-style.

Wait, the mayor didn’t even know about an alien invasion in his own town until the newspaper reported it, presumably the next day? What, was he hiking the Appalachian or something?

Richard Dreyfuss is still terrified of red circles


Oh, like you’re any better at phonetically spelling the theme to the X-Files?

An alleged UFO that zoomed over the city of Luque in Paraguay sounds very much like the strobing, disco-like UFOs in Close Encounters of the Third Kind. It’s being reported that many people in the Luque area saw the object:

According to their story, the sighting involved a large object with several lights whose colors changed constantly.

Raul Torres explained that his sister informed him of the object’s manifestation. He went outside for a look and realized that it was an object moving slowly across the skies, with lights that changed colors.

“It wasn’t your ordinary star. It moved and then remained still,” added Selva Torres. “Its bright flashes, and its colors, impressed us all. Many of us here were watching.”

I hope for the sake of our future that these ships were the real thing. Why? Because I’m a greedy man that desperately wishes Will Smith would greet them with a rousing “WELCOME TO EARF!”

Cue X-Files theme song

A 2-ton object crashed to the ground in Mongolia. Nobody is sure what it is, so a report was sent in to MUFON, a UFO-tracking organization. Could it be something from a tangent universe? Or even as far away as-gasp-North Dakota?

The report states that two objects fell near the Mongolian capital on February 19. The first object, according to the report, weighed 10 kg, while the second larger object weighed “approximately 2 tons.”

Has anybody opened this thing up to see whether there are any aliens trapped inside? And if so, have they been created by a punch from Will Smith?

Wormhole, meet satellite laser

A strange cloud formed above Moscow last Wednesday which scientists dismissed as something akin to an”optical illusion” – about one crappy excuse step below the “swamp gas reflected the light from Venus.” Some people are saying it’s a sign of the end times. Others are saying UFO.

The SG assumption? A fired up satellite laser that came this close to carving a big cut into Moscow. Oh please, like you’ve heard crazier.

Did the tower induce the incident? SG won’t say for sure just yet, as we tend to have a strict policy on speculating only on evidence that cannot be photoshopped, but the people of Moscow should head outside and check for odd buildings under the optical illusion … or run very far away. Which, honestly, isn’t exactly a bad option for the Russian people since the USSR went kaputski.

Wales continues to be uneducated individuals–but knows how to get probed

A bit of an incendiary headline? Yeah, I’ll admit it is. But before the people of Wales start emailing me hate mail consisting of a bunch of consonants and only one vowel, just pause for a second and read.

Over the past few years, we’ve seen the effects of UFOs on the population. They make everyone pause and shriek in terror, and for good reason too: no one wants to get mutilated or probed. That’s just yucky. Well, who would expect a UFO to have the gall to appear recently in Wales? No one did–which is why a Welsh citizen called the local police to make sure that they knew a UFO was in the general area. Good job, citizen … right?

When I was a lad, my mom would sing to me a song that started out with “I see the moon and the moon sees me”. It would seem that no one in south Wales has ever had that song, as the unidentified flying object in question was the moon. Yes, the same moon seen every night since … ever. No one recognized the moon. Not so much a good job, citizen.

I want to deceive

Some of you may have heard about the strange lights that flew over Phoenix earlier this week. Some of you may have even donned your tinfoil hats in response. Some said it was an alien spacecraft, some said it was a sign the second coming of Jesus Christ, still others said it was a UFO.

Technically, the latter were right, because it was some sort of flying object that was not identified, but let’s move on.

But now it seems it may have been all just a clever, clever hoax by some dude with some road flares, fishing line and helium balloons. What the story fails to address is what if this is just a cover-up? Who is to say that the aliens don’t have road flare/fishing line technology?