Japanese suckers born nearly every other minute

A survey was conducted across 50 countries, asking the question “Do you believe in UFO’s?”. Coming in at number two is Japan. A total of 45.3% of the Japanese people polled replied that they did in fact believe in alien sightings, placing Japan below only Brazil and Mexico.

In a country that still values the presence of spirits and the supernatural, this isn’t quite that shocking. You don’t often see many programs on TV discussing the existence of extraterrestrials but apparently that doesn’t mean a whole lot.

So, what can we gather from this report? The Fortean Times probably isn’t (but may possibly) a magazine originating from the United States, but from Brazil, Mexico or Japan.

You Missed It: Signing off edition

You know you were waiting for it. To some degree, I was too. I’m not speaking about the fact that it’s Friday, but that YMI is here once again. There’s also a little excitement about the weekend and all that, but whatever. If you were busy waiting a UFO at a theme park this week, odds are you missed it.

And that’s the way it is
Reports are coming in that legendary news anchor Ron Burgundy Walter Cronkite, 92, is very sick and will likely die. The CBS news man reached an iconic level for his 19 years anchoring, as well as reporting for several decades. Cronkite stood as shining example of what broadcast journalism could be–unbiased, un-opinionated and unflinching, which are now seen as quaint little ideas in the news media today. Since he’s sick, I’m going to call it right now. Walter Cronkite is dead and will be missed dearly. If only it were Dan Rather

America’s mistress industry needs bailouts
Up-and-coming GOP Sen. John Ensign admitted this week that he had an affair (with a woman). Normally, this is enough to get you in trouble in Washington, but there’s more. It turns out that Ensign was using taxpayer money to pay her and her family for a while. So that’s the moral and fiscal responsibility Republicans keep preaching about!

Freedom is the only way
North Korea is at it again, it seems. The country announced that it plans to fire a missile in the Pacific Ocean toward Hawaii sometime soon, possibly on the Fourth of July. Much of the world is watching anxiously, as Kim Jong Il and his evil army have access to numerous chemical and biological weapons. In other news, Team America 2 is coming this summer. F$%* yeah.

In space, no one can hear your ramblings

Space, so we’re told, is a very peaceful. You have a nice view of the Earth, you get to go outside for a stroll, even some lucky few have walked on the moon. But they don’t talk about what happens to you when you go into space: you go crazy.

That’s right, it happens to a select few, but they get space dementia, which we all know is totally real. Case in point: Edgar Mitchell, a former astronaut best known for orbiting the moon on Apollo 14, said yesterday that UFOs are real and the U.S. government is covering them up.

Another former astronaut, Harrison Schmitt, who walked on the moon on Apollo 17, says that global warming is fake. He claims that science is being intimidated into supporting global warming because the scientists need their funding. Say, is this why no one really ever hears from Neil Armstrong?

Mars Attacks! our green technology

Citizens of the Earth, we are facing an ever-present danger. We face a two-fold crisis. First, we are running out of oil, one of our main sources of fuel for things like transportation and otter-killing, and second, we face the threat of environmental destruction through (stop reading here if you are a neo-con) global warming.

Scientists are working around the world to find new sources of energy that could solve both problems for us, but it may not be fast enough. And now, we have threats from outer space. Not just from Keanu Reeves, but coming in the form of interstellar vandalism.

In England, hundred of UFOs are being reported, and a wind turbine was unexpectedly damaged in the area where most of the reports originate. Clearly, intelligent beings are coming to this planet to mess with our pinwheels.

Set phasers to kill!

I want to deceive

Some of you may have heard about the strange lights that flew over Phoenix earlier this week. Some of you may have even donned your tinfoil hats in response. Some said it was an alien spacecraft, some said it was a sign the second coming of Jesus Christ, still others said it was a UFO.

Technically, the latter were right, because it was some sort of flying object that was not identified, but let’s move on.

But now it seems it may have been all just a clever, clever hoax by some dude with some road flares, fishing line and helium balloons. What the story fails to address is what if this is just a cover-up? Who is to say that the aliens don’t have road flare/fishing line technology?

Cowboys and aliens

Last week, reports of UFOs over the town of Stephenville, Texas were reported and received much fanfare from mainstream media. Why these sightings caught attention, when thousands of crazies people report seeing UFOs every year is beyond this blog. However, many people in the town saw the strange lights and even reported seeing jets chase the lights.

Now, this blog was shocked to find that residents of the town are now actually welcoming aliens and trying to get them to land in their humble Texan town. Folks, this is just plain dangerous. What happens if the aliens do land in Stephenville, do we really want people from a small Texas acting as ambassadors for the entire human race? Knowing them, they would probably think the aliens were messing with Texas and start and intergalatic war. In case you haven’t noticed, we’re rather tied up fighting other battles at the moment.

Stephenville must be stopped!