Eric Stoltz supports this tumor

If you look hard enough into something, you can probably find anything. Abe Lincoln was found as a chicken nugget. Lenin rose again in a shower curtain. Elvis was seen in a potato chip. Jesus has been found in a ton of things, though usually the bottom of a bottle … or a fish stick.

Those have now been topped. A tumor was discovered and an ultrasound of it was sent off to be examined by people at Urology, the International Society of Urology’s office journal. Why so? Because located on the tumor was a face. AND IT HUNGERS. Maybe?

The face appears to be in some manner of … concern. Distress. Pain. Acute sensory awareness. Like something out of a story concocted by Warren Ellis or William S. Burroughs, no one is aware of how it came about, but it’s being waved away as simply a random occurrence.

The testicle was removed and the mass was discovered to be harmless.

Sure it was.

A view to a kill

The ACLU and four other groups will have their day in court to challenge a controversial anti-abortion law in North Carolina. The law requires abortion doctors to show and describe ultrasound images of the fetus to the ex-MILF-to-be before rotor-rooting her coote … insides.

And you know what? The ACLU is right: this law is absurd.

“Absurd” as in “it doesn’t go far enough.” Showing a fuzzy black-and-white image that only a doctor can describe won’t pull hard enough at a mother’s heartstrings.

The Guys, who just loves them some unwanted babies, want a new law. A better law. A law that requires the mother to watch a video of her womb-parasite Photoshopped into being inaugurated President of the United States, accepting a Nobel Peace Prize or punching Hitler.