Event that gets shut down early still gets crazy after everyone leaves

Quick, everyone, it’s pop quiz time!

What do you get when you combine the an arena in New York, a Halloween themed event held for the public, underage teenagers, underage drinking and public underage fornication? Obviously, the correct answer to that equation is an event that gets shut down early.

But! What if you throw a low flying helicopter that decides to land around people into the mix while officers are shutting down the party?

Then you get this past Saturday night at the Nassau Coliseum. Also, surprisingly enough, a true story.

Babylushwatch 2011

In more alcomahol related news …

In what can only be described as a bizarre and intentional unintentional trend in the chain restaurant industry, yet another child was accidentally served alcohol, this time at Chili’s. Apparently the restaurant is changing their slogan from “The celebration of food” to “The celebration of drunk kids.” There have been similar incidents recently at both The Olive Garden, in which a two-year-old was served sangria, and Applebee’s, in which a 15-month-old was served a margarita.

The 4-year-old child, Brooklynn Morris, was allegedly served a mudslide instead of a chocolate shake and had three to four sips before she announced that she didn’t like it. Her mother tasted the drink and immediately recognized the alcohol. Brooklynn was brought to the hospital and diagnosed with alcohol-ingestion overdose. Guess who can’t hold their liquor?

The mother, Tyree Davis, remarked:

“I don’t want it to ever happen again … to any child, because I know this just happened last week to someone, and I heard about it, and it’s crazy that it just happened to us yesterday.”

People, we’ve got one crazy epidemic on our hands: little kids and babies are now turning into needy drunks. Not only that, they consume our delicious alcohol, knowing the effects of such an act and then become whiny when they can’t pay the price. It’s time to take away their fake licenses (“I’m only twenny-fwee years old.”) and put these kids in the sobriety corner for a time-out.

It’s football, not footbooze

Now, we of all people are certainly not advocating underage drinking, BUT, usually the high school drinking happens after the dance, rather than before it.

This is equally important to keep in mind when your high school football team seemingly consists of 20 people or less than that amount. Oh, and if you’re one of those 20 people. I mean, even my bumpkin cow-town high school was able to fit more than 30 people on our roster.

Fact and fiction still hard to separate

There’s a new uproar in the world today.

No, it’s not about Obama. That’s so last week.

No, it’s not about Michael Jackson. That’s so Monday.

No, it’s not about Jon and Kate. That’s just sad.

The big uproar is over marketing, that devious tool of the devil. A billboard has been erected (heh heh heh) in Deep River, Connecticut, to help promote underage drinking. That’s a good cause, right? How could you ever think such a thing?! It shows a baby around a beer bottle and a number of empty beer bottles around a teen couple. The madness!

Except it’s an assumption that the bottle by the baby is a beer bottle or that it’s filled. A gross and wild assumption. But hey, that’s never stopped people before, right?

Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just trying to get a bottle of Jack?

Sure, we’ve all been there. The young, adventerous age of 18, old enough to smoke your lungs out, buy a scratcher from the lottery, but not old enough to buy a daily visit from Uncle Jack. Well, when in doubt, improvise! Like this Texas teen, who stole his friend’s police badge and tried to use it as identification for drinks at a club.

Apparently when asked how old he was, the line “old enough to party” only works in Judd Apatow films.