Wearing less gets you more

Crazy sales by retail outlets aren’t exactly unheard of. Now, I’m not exactly talking about Black Friday. I’m talking about the crazy sales that involve pre-buying stipulations. Maybe you need to show up to the store in a duck costume. Maybe you need to take part in a scavenger hunt. Perhaps there’s a treasure box that only your key can open.

Or, you can be like the Desigual store in Spain and offer a free top and bottom to the first 100 customers that show up in just their underwear. Oh, and I should mention this took place on Monday, so it’s kinda cold.

Also, so that you know, the link may possibly be Not Safe For Work, as there are lots of people in their skivvies, the majority of which are dudes. In their skimpy skivvies. That have potentially decided to not let the cold affect their, um … reputation.

Maybe they should send their moms up to the ISS

We already have a pretty good idea of how astronauts go to the bathroom. (It involves a vacuum cleaner and true grit.) We know how they eat. (Acrobatically.) We even know how they sleep. (Restrained to a wall because you’d have to be insane to eat and go to the bathroom in space.)

But, do you know how they do their laundry? Neither do they.

To date, they’ve been living the high life, wearing their underwear fresh out of the pack and then incinerating them. But, a new washing machine on the International Space Station could force them to live like the rest of us: wearing each pair until they run out, putting on swim trunks and washing them in a new low-power, low- water washing machine.

At least now we know that our collection of astronaut undies were a fraud.

Holding out for a Big Galloot

The Guys and Bonnie Tyler agree with today’s Headline of the Day: where have the Big Galloots gone?

For those of you who don’t special order your underwear, the “Big Galloots” are a pair of men’s briefs that, at 8-feet, hold the record for World’s Largest Men’s Underpants. They were housed in the City Museum in St. Louis, but now? Gone, baby, gone like yesterday’s elastic.

They were reportedly last seen surrounding St. Louis mayor’s spokesperson, Kara Bowlin, until she nearly broke into tears. If found in her possession, this would be the second largest stain on her career since that fateful day.

(Via Michael J. Nelson. Yeah, that one.)

No more pencils, no more tookuses

Thanks to a bill signed by Gov. Mike Beebe, Arkansas’ long statewide nightmare is finally over.

Baggy pants are officially banned from public schools by law, which defines them as clothing that exposes the wearer’s underwear or buttocks.

A few critics in the state legislature that voted against it argued that the bill stymies students’ individual expression. Also, in its mere two days of enactment, the bill has resulted in higher water bills as all plumbers are now banned from approaching within 50 yards of a school zone.

And one question will still linger

No longer will we ever be able to find out who dealt it.

Ever wanted to ‘pass gas’ while sitting next to your significant other in a movie theater, but couldn’t because you just ate that bag of sour cream and onion potato chips? Well, thanks to Japan, now you can! Seiren, a Japanese textile company, developed a series of special deodorizing undershorts called Inoidore Shukan Shoshu that can reduce odor by 80 percent in 30 seconds. It is comprised of a special textile that contains ceramic particles and metallic ions with fibers, which helps absorb stink particles.

Seiren is confident with their product. They spent two and half years developing it, even going so far as to perform stink tests at home. Ew. Of course, something this cool is going to be expensive, at 4,800 moonbucks yen (approximately 49 dollars US and change) each. Still, think of the relief that you’ll be able to take part in. Worry not, you don’t have to hold it in any longer since they are available now in Japan. They are nice and everything, but you still can’t remove the sound, which is perhaps worse than the smell. No matter, give them a couple more years and they will have briefs that can solve that problem too!

Wenches be freeballin’ with a highball


In what be yet more other possible health code violation news: a St. Kilda, Australia, pub be coming under (chain shot) fire fer its “No Undie Sundie” promotion. Apparently, encouragin’ lasses to take off their undergarments in exchange for a $50 drink card just wasn’t the smartest idea. Who would’ve guessed? Certainly not Joe Francis. Personally, the capitalist landlubber with book learnin’ in business thinks that it’s brilliant, of course, but hey, that just be me.

Burmese embassy just like 60s Mick Jagger

What? It's, like, totally the same thing. Panty, panty. In one of the strangest protest ideas ever seen, a group in Quebec is asking women all over the world to send their panties to Burma to pressure the government towards democratic reforms—which will be effective since apparently Burma’s military leaders are superstitious enough to believe that “contact with women’s underwear will sap them of their power.” This is actually like the opposite of a kooky fetish.

Human rights activists say the leaders believe that contact with women’s underwear will sap them of their power.

Let me repeat that again:

Human rights activists say the leaders believe that contact with women’s underwear will sap them of their power.

This is a strange, strange world we live in.

Shake, rattle and pose

Chinese officials shut down a local lifestyle magazine that published pictures of sexy models in their underwear … posing in the rubble of the earthquake that has killed over 40,000 people. Even a tentacle porn director was quoted as saying, “Dude, that’s just not right.”

Sorry guys. I have a feeling that the “Sexy Rubble Edition” issue just may never catch on.