You Missed It: Laundry day edition

The clothing equivalent of a fancy truck that never leaves paved roads.

The other day I got an email from Yahoo telling me it’s time to renew the fantasy football league I run. Yahoo, and football, and f&#$ off. It’s April, this is not football time. This is baseball time. This is playoff hockey time. Yes, it’s even playoff basketball time. I don’t care about the NFL season schedule’s release. I don’t care about the NFL draft. Football can some find me in August. Until then, it can go back to sweeping scandals under the rug. If you were busy complaining about how hard it is being president this week, odds are you missed it.

For those who only look like they work hard
This decade, whatever we end up calling it, probably isn’t going to be known for its fashion. A week after those clear-legged jeans hit the market, Nordstrom answered back with jeans that already look muddy. For just $425, you can dress like the day laborers you pay less than minimum wage.

It’s never OK to joke about suicide
This week, the Netflix faced criticism over its show 13 Reasons Why and its depiction of suicide. Critics said that the sensitive topic should have been handled more responsibly, and that it’s way too early to be profiting off of the Aaron Hernandez story.

Airline kills bunny
United Airlines’ PR turbulence continues this week when a breeder reported that a giant rabbit died on a United flight from the U.K. to Chicago. The airline apologized for the incident, and sent its condolences to the owner, but said the rabbit refused to give up its seat, and authorities had to step in.

Delta subjects passengers to Kenny G performance

If you’ve flown on an American airline in the past 40 years, you know that flying sucks. (Thanks, deregulation!) But recent events may indicate we have reached a low point in the exceptionally awful experience. Sure, we had a paying customer bloodied and kicked off an overbooked flight, sure, we had a flight attendant be aggressive toward a mother holding her children, then challenge a male passenger to a fight, but there is worse. And worse is Kenny G.

Trying to one-up United and American, Delta forced passengers to not only sit through a live Kenny G performance, but to fork over money for it. During a flight from Tampa, Florida to Los Angeles, a flight attendant announced that the crew was raising money for the charity Relay for Life, and that if they raised $2,000, Kenny G would get up and play for everyone. Once they reached the targeted amount, Kenny G made good on his threat.

They basically held people hostage, then guilted them into donating money for a punishment. That, friends, is nothing short of diabolical.

D.C. has dirty, dirty airports

A plane leaving from Washington, D.C. had more passengers than expected. While the story fails to mention from which of the three airports in the Greater Washington area took off from, we do know one thing: the region is dirty and so are its people.

That being said, it is not entirely humans’ fault on this one, several ticks stowed away on the plane, undoubtedly seeing a chance to attack passengers and crew members, possibly with hopes of taking over the plane until their demands were met.

Ladies and gentlemen, this country does not negotiate with terrorists, regardless of cause, background or species. We must all stand strong together to fight this evil. United, we can defeat TICKS ON A PLANE! (Yes, we are still making those jokes.)

In other news, you’re going to need a bigger boat.