Tag: united states

In space, no one can hear you say ‘oops’

East met West way up north.

(What? Our maps tell us north is up.)

A derelict Russian military satellite collided with a [then-] working U.S. Iridium commercial satellite, creating a cloud of debris that risks damaging even more satellites.

The International Debris Cloud now orbits 500 miles above the Earth, which is a popular distance for orbiting satellites, and should entertain cable and communication companies for the next 10,000 years. At least it gives them another excuse besides sun spots.

Coined the world’s scariest shotgun blast, it is part of a growing junkyard around the Earth that threatens anything new we plan to put up there. It’s a brave new step in the human endeavor of pollution!

Take it from Snee: Who’s Number Two?

Thank god this election is almost over. The two halves of this country get so collectively stupid that I’ve started to feel like I’m at a rock show: getting pushed around by moshers while security swings their Mag-Lights at them through me.

I’m ready for news cycles filled with the usual inanity of missing white girls and celebrity infidelity, as opposed to the latest political talking points, like “Joe the Plumber” and, of course, “America’s #1.”

What does it mean, really, when some moron says that America’s the greatest and bestest country, numero uno amongst the other entire 192 principalities people call home? Continue reading Take it from Snee: Who’s Number Two?

Putin: ‘B-b-b-but they did it!’

For a not-president-of-Russia-anymore, Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin sure has a lot to say about the invasion of Georgia. (They’re now up to ceasefire number 28: one more beats the Israeli-Palestinian monthly record!)

Putin now accuses the United States of starting this war, claiming our government encouraged Georgia to oppress South Ossetia and dispatched agents to orchestrate the entire affair.

Nice try, Putin. We wrote the book on making up other countries’ involvement in our wars (see: Iraq and 9/11). Don’t try to snow a snowman.

Bonus alternate punchline:
Oh, c’mon. We can’t be responsible for all of today’s wars! Mel Gibson has a theory you could borrow.