2017: A Booze Odyssey

One small batch for man, one giant beer run for mankind.

The Guys are all about space travel … so long as we work out a few hitches first. Most notably: the distinct lack of sustainable alcohol supplies up there in the void.

Bringing your own vodka with you like a cosmonaut is fine if you only plan to backpack to low Earth orbit for a weekend. But, for extended stays on the moon and beyond? Let’s just say we don’t want to risk over-reliance on resupply missions from an organization that prizes buzzcuts more than getting buzzed. (Yes, we mean you, NASA.)

Fortunately, UC San Diego undergrads are on the space case race. Team Original Gravity, a group of engineering students, hope to win a trip into space to brew our first lunar beer. They are competing for a spot on TeamIndus’ moonlander against 25 other finalists, so they could use our help with sponsorships.

Of course, we’re pulling all support if they go up there and make another g*ddamn IPA. (You’ve been warned, Team OG.)

Making your cat a better lover

There are two kinds of medical research: the kind that develops cures for diseases for the betterment of humanity, and then there’s the boner meds that pay for the loftier former.

Since this is a SeriouslyGuys post, we’re addressing your Johnson & Johnson.

Researchers have discovered a spray that could prevent premature ejaculation. That’s their phrasing. Really, it’s delaying normal ejaculation, because it’s not like the premature ejaculate goes away.

The spray incorporates lidocaine and prilocaine, so when applied to the penis it should not only reduce sensitivity for longer lovemaking, but also judo board-breaking and snake wrestling. If, however, it is applied to the eyes, then ejaculation is postponed indefinitely.

Dr Ira Sharlip, clinical professor of urology at the University of California said he got the idea from training cats.