Post office not sending to nudes

A nudist resort in Florida certainly has no shortage of packages, but the people say they aren’t getting any packages through the mail.

Residents of Eden RV Resort and City Retreat in Florida are complaining that they aren’t receiving their mail when a female carrier refuses to deliver when she fills in. Their regular mail carrier apparently has no problems delivering, though. The nudists say the U.S. Postal Service has not tried to resolve the issue in any way.

“Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds (except for naked people).” — U.S. Postal Service creed

Luck be a Lady Liberty tonight

The U.S. Postal Service unveiled a new First-Class postage stamp featuring that all-American staple: the Statue of Liberty. Unfortunately, they accidentally used a picture of the shorter, sluttier Vegas statue.

The USPS is going ahead with it, though, and now we’re stuck with the first stamp in U.S. history that can give you herpes when you lick it.

Wild Turkey(s)

Tired of seeing their bretheren slain for us giving thanks, the turkeys have started fighting back. Don’t let the dull eyes and sumptious breasts fool you, these dangerous beasts are out for blood.

In Wisconsin these demon birds are attacking postal workers on their daily routes. Our nations’ mail carriers were supplied with water pistols to fend off the feathered freaks, but apparently they are adapting.

Save a postal worker, kill a turkey.