MasterChugs Theater: ‘Born On the Fourth of July’

Hey kids and kittens. Chug is absolutely booked solid with work this week. As such he’s running a MasterChugs flashback to tie in with this coming weekend’s events. Enjoy.

Oliver Stone’s Born on the Fourth of July is not an adaptation of the memoir by Vietnam veteran Ron Kovic, though that’s what the credits indicate. It’s most certainly based on it, but it’s not necessarily an adaptation of the memoir. It’s an indulgent style showcase for Stone, who, with his longtime cinematographer Robert Richardson, employs every act of film trickery imaginable that doesn’t involve CGI effects. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘Born On the Fourth of July’

Eat My Sports: Can’t spell ‘sports entertainment’ without ‘sports’

Bryan Schools is still learning what it’s like to go the rest of his life without sex, so I’m filling in for him this week. Here’s “Take These Sports from Snee and Eat Them.”

I’m not about to say that the entire sporting world is in trouble. But, certain teams and players could use a–ahem–boost:

That was the stands from last night’s Baltimore/Kansas City game at Camden Yard. Granted, it had rained all day and night, but even if you lived next door, would you bother to attend to watch the Orioles and the Royals? The title card alone sounds like it was pronounced by Foghorn Leghorn after a stroke.

They’re not alone. Detroit fans were already hesitant to spend money of Lions games, but now they’re abandoning the city and surrounding suburbs. How do you justify spending cash (we assume they still sell tickets) to a Kid Rock crowd?

You give them exactly why they watch Syfy and USA, and it’s not for Eureka or Psych; it’s for professional wrestling. Continue reading Eat My Sports: Can’t spell ‘sports entertainment’ without ‘sports’

Take it from Snee: Who’s Number Two?

Thank god this election is almost over. The two halves of this country get so collectively stupid that I’ve started to feel like I’m at a rock show: getting pushed around by moshers while security swings their Mag-Lights at them through me.

I’m ready for news cycles filled with the usual inanity of missing white girls and celebrity infidelity, as opposed to the latest political talking points, like “Joe the Plumber” and, of course, “America’s #1.”

What does it mean, really, when some moron says that America’s the greatest and bestest country, numero uno amongst the other entire 192 principalities people call home? Continue reading Take it from Snee: Who’s Number Two?

Swimsuits so good it isn’t fair

No, that’s not the latest tagline from the Jenny Craig clothing subsidiary, nor is that the latest line from Paris Hilton. That, my friends, describes the latest swimsuit as developed by Speedo for the United States men’s Olympic swimming team. But wait, there’s a-controversy-in’ afoot!

Yes, the phrase “technological doping” has been floated out there by people who would like to see swimsuits this good outlawed. I’m not kidding (Romania, I’m looking at you). 44 records have been broken in 4 months by people wearing these suits, though that isn’t in 44 different events. The backstroke record, for example, has been broken 3 times this week in the Olympic trials.

Now, honestly, there’s a very simple solution to this problem if other countries are going to be whiners about this, and best of all, the Greeks already beat us to it-swim naked. I’m being dead serious. With a situation like that, it’s the only kind of alternative that makes sense. If you require “technology” like a certain type of clothing to be worn to compete, then you need to allow for whatever kind of clothing people want to use within your set rules. If a really awesome swimsuit can be made within the rules, then tough. It’s allowed. You can’t just start making exceptions.

U-S-A, U-S-A!

Los americanos no lo tienen fácil.

We all like booze. It makes the world go round. It goes yum-yum in my tummy. It even has hilarious ads (for reference purposes, see Patton Oswald’s rant regarding Dewars). Of course, there are times when sometimes, the ads are just offensive. This is not one of those times.

Swedish vodka maker Absolut has come up with a new ad depicting a “what if?” scenario involving what the United States of America had the U.S. lost the Mexican-American War of 1848. Apparently, this is ruffling a few feathers. Who would’ve guessed? I certainly wouldn’t have. In leaps of logics similar to people decrying Guitar Hero 3 for facing against the devil, some American citizens, even a forum of news channel, are calling for boycotts of the brand. Apparently, ads are funny until they’re not pro-United States. And even if those ads are in other countries, we should still have a say in them. How dare they!

Calm down and stop getting so worked up over this, people. It’s just an ad. Absolut was simply targeting the appeal to a specific country. That’s it. No harm, no foul. Besides, what else kind of vodka are you actually going to drink? Aristocrat? Smirnoff? The bathtub gin special?

(Courtesy of Adrienne S.)