Tag: usps

USPS’s first living person stamp since Elvis in ’93

It’s often been said (by us, just now) that desperation tastes an awful lot like the back of a stamp. The U.S. Postal Service is in financial trouble and, at this point, will try just about anything to stay solvent.

Their latest get-rich-quick scheme? Lifting the prohibition against living people on stamps.

“Since Jan. 1, 2007, the requirement has been that a person must have been deceased five years before appearing on a stamp. Before that, the rule was 10 years. (By tradition, though, former presidents are remembered on a stamp in the year following their deaths.)”

This is great news for our current batch of celebrities, because now they can qualify for a stamp before leaking a sex tape to revive their careers.

Remember to pick up the package

We’re definitely throwing the sexual innuendo and euphemisms in that title, people.

It’s cold outside. Really cold, in my case. While yes, it is the holiday season, more often than not, this can stress people out like you wouldn’t believe. But that’s okay, because some people are here to help us out, like David Goodman. A postal worker in Wisconsin, Goodman noticed that one stop on his route, a law firm, in particular, one select employee, was more stressed out than to be expected. Being a nice guy, he decided to spruce up their work day and give them a cheer-by delivering their mail sans clothing. What’s wrong with that, right?

Oy. Tons. Did you neglect the “law firm” part of the story? Another thing to consider-said employee that would greet him and was the target of the humor is a 21 year old female employee. Goodman was later arrested at the post office for lewd behavior.

Here’s a hint, old man: nudity in Wisconsin during December is not funny, it’s just unappealing.

The McBournie Minute: We deliver for you–at a huge loss

Remember mail? It was like e-mail, but with a much higher risk of paper cuts and a much lower risk of young co-eds wishing to become your friend. Apparently mail is still around, but people aren’t using it as much anymore.

Word just came in that the U.S. Postal Service posted a $3.8 billion loss for the 2009 fiscal year, or as Detroit calls it, Monday. The Postal Service isn’t doing so well, while Federal Express (FedEx) and UPS (UPS) are struggling because private companies just can’t compete with federal agencies, isn’t that right, teabaggers?

OK, so maybe the Postal Service needs some help. They’re planning to stop shipments on Saturdays to save money, but what they really need is some fresh eyes on the problem. Luckily for America, I just happen to be willing to lend my services. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: We deliver for you–at a huge loss