Pennies from heaven? More like pennies from a bowl

Have you ever wanted to pay a bill in … colorful ways? Not so much over the phone or through the mail, but in person. Like, perhaps through single dollar bills, or even the 2 dollar bills, because that’ll show them. And if the place in question accepts cash as a form of payment, well, it’s not as if it’s against the law, right?

Well, maybe. Possibly? Jason West of Vernal, Utah, has been cited by the local police for disorderly conduct, after paying a 25 dollar bill in pennies. That comes out to 25 hundred of the little doodads used to pay a bill. That’s a lot of change to just have lying around the house. I personally don’t understand what apparently upset the employees at the clinic when the coins were doled out to them. Are they opposed to money?

Top that, SeriouslyReaders!

The next time you play “Truth or Dare,” know that there is no way kissing another dude or wearing a diaper through the drive-thru will ever top this.

A naked woman stole a car at 5 am from a guy posting business signs on the side of the highway. Because turnaround is fair play, that guy stole her car.

The guy and the police chased her until she crashed his car into a gate. The police pursued her on foot, but couldn’t grab her because she was too slippery from sweat and blood. She literally slipped through their fingers and stole a cop car.

She crashed that car into a highway berm and sustained flight for 50 feet.

She then ran on foot again, and scaled a barb wire fence before the cops finally tazed her. (And here we thought they pulled those out at the drop of a candy wrapper.)

In other “Truth or Dare” news:
Monaco’s royal family has named at least two princes Albert.

Should’ve worn the Cloak of Hammer Defense +3 instead

We all get mad at other people sometimes. Heck, we even get mad at our friends. I’ve done it, you’ve done it, but the important thing is to just hash it out. Put it into perspective-is whatever you’re fighting over so bad that it can’t be solved simply over just words instead, or for that matter, even just not worrying about it anymore? I usually think that way.

I’ve been d***ed jerked over by friends before-it happens. We all have. It doesn’t matter if they owe us money or if they’ve slept with our parents (both of them-sorry guys), it’s all just relative, and the matter definitely doesn’t call for violence. With that said, is it really worth hitting a friend over the head with a hammer just because they probably said that you failed your saving throw? Is violence really the answer because you and your friend made a “pact” to not go after a girl, only for your friend to go after said lass?

Of course not. But that didn’t stop young Zachary King of Utah from clobbering two friends of his because one broke an “oath” and the other probably made him lose his Dex Roll against a Beholder. S’ok Zachary, we at SG understand your rage. We just hope that you bring a Soap Bar of Impalement Defense +99 with you in jail.

In other news, Utah is still weird.

Kids these days, with their rock music and their kilts …

Men don’t wear skirts. It’s just not something that is done. Sure it may make more sense ergonomically than constricting pants, but it’s just something that we men don’t do.

Now, on the other hand, it is extremely manly to wear a kilt, particularly if you are Scottish. But in Utah, they don’t take kindly to your cross dressin’ sinful behavior. It was a lesson one student learned recently, when his principal made him change his clothes after showing up to school in such a man skirt.

The principal has since been forced to apologize, because kilts are not offensive or inappropriate, they just cost a couple hundred dollars for one. They won’t throw in the codpieces, either.

Utah: Fun place to drink if you miss Prohibition

You might think ordering a drink at a bar through a pane of glass separating you and the bartender means you’re not in the safest of areas. You’d be wrong. You would have to instead worry if that woman you’re hitting one is one of some guy’s collection of wives.

Yes, in Utah a pane of glass at the bar kept patrons from those serving them booze. Instead, the bartenders would have to walk around the bar and come out to them to serve the drink. These “Zion curtains” are no more, at long last, the law has been repealed. But don’t get thinking drinking in Mormon country is fun yet.

New restaurants have to make drinks in a back room away from customers, because, you know, it’s much safer to drink something you didn’t see mixed, just like at a frat party. Also, you can’t get a drink unless you plan on ordering some food, too. Yes, that’s real.

Intelligence likely to continue winning

WE’RE STILL DOING IT!

About a week or so ago, we at SeriouslyGuys told you about how an asinine proposed law in Utah was squashed right on the cusps of being created. It looks like we have nothing to fear.

Whoever would have thought the recession would aid  responsibility?

While the president of Utah’s state senate thinks he could probably get a two-thirds majority in his chamber, he’s not going to take the lead if the state house, which originated the bill, isn’t pushing for a veto. And that seems to be the case. The representative who sponsored the bill sent a letter to his colleagues sticking up for the bill, but not asking explicitly for their support of an override session or their vote in it.

Why so? Because on the back end, there’s a money issue. The legislature had canceled this month’s “interim study day” between sessions, saving about $25,000 in costs related to convening it. Like most states, Utah is pinching every penny where it can. So if the anti-game bill is worth the fight, and it isn’t, they’d have to spend the $25 grand just to take a vote. And then, if it succeeded, spend more taxpayer money in a constitutionally doomed defense of it.

May 11 is the deadline to call such a session. If money’s involved, the cheapest form of legislation will probably win.

Another win for intelligence! We did it!

The big meanies up in Utah decided to create a little thing called HB 353. What is HB 353, other than the worst nightmares of Satan, Hitler and John Lennon all rolled up into one? It’s a video game and movie bill brought about originally by Jack Thompson, in which stiffer fines to video game retailers and movie theaters that gave minors access to games or movies rated above their age level would be added. Also, it’s a giant leap in logic that doesn’t actually look for true accountability (i.e., most parents). So what’s the big hub-bub?

It breezed through the Utah House and Senate by wide margins and it was expected that Governor Jon Huntsman of Utah would back it as well. Not so.

“While protecting children from inappropriate materials is a laudable goal, the language of this bill is so broad that it likely will be struck down by the courts as an unconstitutional violation of the Dormant Commerce Clause and/or the First Amendment,” explained Huntsman. “The industries most affected by this new requirement indicated that rather than risk being held liable under this bill, they would likely choose to no longer issue age appropriate labels on goods and services.

“Therefore, the unintended consequence of the bill would be that parents and children would have no labels to guide them in determining the age appropriateness of the goods or service, thereby increasing children’s potential exposure to something they or their parents would have otherwise determined was inappropriate under the voluntary labeling system now being recognized and embraced by a significant majority of vendors.”

It’s a well known fact that I’m a bit of a major spelling and grammar nazi. Nonetheless, I’ve never been more happy to see sloppy writing. Well, that and some major lobbying by the video game industry. A big and hearty congratulations to everyone who helped knock the bill proposal down. You’ve earned it.

War at home and abroad

Tennis is not only one of the games you can play on a Wii, it is one of the most popular racket-based sports in Western culture (right after racket puck and racket futbol). But in England, one of the sport’s most hallowed events, Wimbledon, is under attack by pigeons.

Yes, pigeons like to land on the court during matches, but the Brits have a solution that we proudly endorse: shoot the bastards. That’s right, snipers will be employed at Wimbledon to take out pigeons before they can land or make one of their treacherous carpet bombs all over your shirt. If that does not work, we recommend calling in sportsman and proud warrior Randy Johnson.

Here at home, Americans are being attacked doing things we all do regularly. For example, checking the mail can even be dangerous. A New Hampshire woman received quite a shock when she found a non-poisonous corn snake in her mailbox. Worst of all, it did not have the required postage. We all know gerbils are sneaky, lethal pets ready to snap and maul the children. In Utah, a gerbil is being blamed for an accident when it escaped from its cage as its teen owner was transporting it in her car. Two people were sent to the hospital, the gerbil has yet to be charged.