Choosy moms choose HPV

"My daughter? She doesn't have to worry about cancer because we laugh over salad every day."
My daughter? She doesn’t have to worry about cancer because we laugh over salad every day.”

Despite calls for a cure for cancer whenever a new erectile dysfunction pill is developed, more parents are choosing not to vaccinate their daughters for the human papillomavirus (HPV) now that said cure actually exists.

The vaccine — commonly known as Gardasil — immunizes the recipient from HPV, a family of viruses that cause genital and anal warts and most cases of cervical cancer. HPV infects nearly all sexually active human beings on planet Earth, even if they only did oral or butt stuff or just once with some girl who lives in Canada. (Basically, if you’ve “done it,” you have it.)

44 percent of parents, however, do not plan to immunize their daughters. 16 percent hold concerns that the vaccine is unsafe, citing research by Some Guy on the Internet and Rep. Michele Bachmann, R-Minn. And those who probably did no “research” at all just assumed it’s bad because it’s a vaccine.

Way to go, Jenny McCarthy! Way to go!
Way to go, Jenny McCarthy! Way to go!

17 percent, however, said their daughters don’t need it because they know their child isn’t sexually active. Fortunately, the vaccination is only effective prior to sex because, again, everybody has it, so it’ll be easier to catch their daughters and ground them for lying at their Purity Ball.

Take it from Snee: A heartfelt apology

Look, as a comedy writer, sometimes I say and do mean things. My particular brand of comedy leans anywhere from provocative to “let’s see if my penis fits in there.” And, you know what? Sometimes I have to step back and say I’ve gone too far, especially when it concerns people’s feelings.

I know you expect Take it from Snee (to try) to be funny. You want to see goofy pictures and read cannibalism jokes. I wish I could deliver that to you, but I just don’t feel funny right now. In fact, I feel like s#&t.

So, there’s only one thing I can do this week, and that’s to man up and apologize. Otherwise, I might never be able to look myself in the mirror, much less make light of my third nipple.

Here goes: I’m sorry I gave your son autism, Jenny McCarthy. Continue reading Take it from Snee: A heartfelt apology