China’s Ministry of Culture has announced that it is cracking down once again on funeral strippers, which remains a popular thing in rural areas because they are thought to boost attendance. But the problem may be more widespread than it was last time. Authorities said that they will also crack down on strippers at weddings and Chinese New Year celebrations.
So if you got engaged around Valentine’s Day, float the wedding stripper idea to your fiancee while she’s still distracted by her shiny new ring.
We’re a week away from Valentine’s Day, and you probably haven’t gotten anything for your significant other, have you? Isn’t it time you got them something really special?
Maybe you should get that special someone a space rocket. You’re in luck, because there’s one on Craigslist going for just $9.9 million. The SpaceX Falcon 9 is listed in “good” condition, which just some minor burns and only light use. The down side is that shipping isn’t available, so you need your own tug boat. And then you’ll have to haul it all the way from Cape Canaveral, Florida. But that will make it mean that much more to your Valentine.
If you’re reading this site, then chances are that you’re trying to ignore that tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. Perhaps you call it Single Awareness Day. Or that you’re up a creek because you forgot to buy anything and all that’s left in stores now are the Hallmark Mahogany line and Easter candy.
Relax. I’m not saying that you’re overacting or that this is somehow all your fault for not being lovable. It isn’t. Valentine’s should be a simple day of expressing care, not necessarily balls-out romantic love in the form of extravagant gifts that require feeding and walks.
Now that all of the stores have taken down their Martin Luther King, Jr. Day decorations (which seem to go up earlier and earlier every year), it’s time to now focus on Valentine’s Day.
However, not everybody is into the Valentine’s spirit.
Iran has unofficially banned the holiday, calling it’s celebration “the spread of Western culture.” The printing works owners’ union has issued a ban on any materials featuring “hearts, half-hearts, [and] red roses” and “any activities promoting this day.”
Sounds like somebody in a certain government couldn’t land themselves a date, much less get laid with a stack of veils at a bikini contest.
David McCandless, a London designer, just released a graph of status updates containing the phrases “break up” or “broken up.” He discovered two peak periods in which the phrases were used: Spring Break and the two weeks before Christmas.
We’re just days away from Valentine’s Day, and many people will be shopping for some love. If you are among those going stag this year (we have a certain movie-reviewing Guy for you and) you should check out our how to fall in love guide. If you are lonely and in China (Really? How many million people are there to choose from?) you may want to head down to the supermarket. Love is on sale.
The “I’m Looking For You” market, which we believe has an extensive meat section, has brought in over 1,000 customers and helped create 50 couples, which means there’s a one in ten chance you’ll find someone. So if you’re low on toilet paper, you may want to head over to the love supermarket, just stay away from the condom aisle, you’ll look creepy.