Tag: vampires

Take it from Snee: Vampires are totally real

Look, if you bring up Twilight to some of The Guys, they’ll all *pfft* and follow that up with a terse “whatevah.” (I know: we can be so mean.)

However, I can no longer remain silent. You see, young teenage girls who aren’t my wife, I’m … different. I’ve rejected all the limited, childish behaviors of my food-eating peers. I’ve seen dark things, terrible things. I’ve sipped immortality on gossamer wings wearing platform Doc Martins.

I guess what I’m trying to say … what I’m trying to tell you … but, what if you don’t like me? My kind is so lonely that I would give anything to spend all my time hanging out with a nice, less popular girl who likes art. We could talk about your hair.

Enough, my heart is tormented in a bleak darkness that I will no longer bear: I am a vampire. Continue reading Take it from Snee: Vampires are totally real

Get your crucifixes ready

As part of our ongoing coverage of the appearance of monsters across the world, we bring you this frightening bulletin: German police have found a great deal of dead animals in around the city of Bochum lately. Ordinarily, this blog would think this is a good thing.

However, 21 rabbits, three chickens and four foul wild birds have been found decapitated and drained of their blood. This blog is never one to jump to conclusions, but normally, when blood starts getting drained in any Austro-German territory, it means bad things. The Guys recommend staying alert.

MasterChugs Theater Love Tap: ‘Love at First Bite’

Welcome to a special MasterChugs Theater. All you seriously in a relationship guys may know that Valentine’s Day is this week. If you didn’t, don’t worry, you’ve still got three days until you’re in trouble … unless you’re reading this on Thursday, then it’s Ruh-Roh, Raggy. For everyone else though, say salutations to “Love in the Theater”, a guide to the do’s and don’ts of the film world for this romantic week. Pay attention and you’ll hopefully get a do and not a don’t on Thursday evening. Our first victim: Love at First Bite. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater Love Tap: ‘Love at First Bite’