There’s one born every minute between 1950 and 1959

Anti-aging products are a booming industry–as in baby boomers are buying them all up. (If you regret the 10 seconds of your life lost reading that last sentence, too bad. No refunds.) Although none are proven to work as advertised, the cosmetic surgery, hormone replacement, skin care and fitness industries are predicted to “increase from $80 billion now to more than $114 billion by 2015.”

However, not every boomer is falling for “look young quick” schemes. The pinnacle of boomer presidents, Bill Clinton, has become a vegan, proving there’s nothing he won’t do to feel younger, liberal breasts.

Warrior of the Week: The Federal Bureau of Investigation

You hope for it.

You pray, you beg, you plead day after day, and one day it all comes true. Folks, the FBI is on our side. They just put an animal rights activist on the Top Ten Most Wanted list. That means he’s up there with Osama bin Laden and some other dude who are probably really bad.

What’s important is that the federal government’s leading law enforcement agency is officially recognizing the threat that these radicals pose to the nation, and by extension, the world. Daniel Andreas San Diego (you know he’s bad, because he’s got four names) is a vegan, (GASP) and worse yet, is allegedly a member of a terrorist group and authorities say has bombed two buildings.

You thought we were kidding about this stuff, didn’t you?