Take it from Snee: Be very afraid

When I read that a dead body had been found in one of the Los Angeles International Airports’ bathrooms, I said, “Thank God.”

What? That’s not good news? How do you figure?

I didn’t hear any of what you just said because this is text on your computer screen, but I will tell you why I feel better knowing that there was a corpse in the bathroom of a heavily trafficked public area: he made it.

What I mean is that, when I die, my body will release whatever waste is inside of it. I always figured that meant I was guaranteed to soil my pants, bed or coat closet. But, this guy made it to the bathroom before it could happen. I could make it too.

So, that’s one fear allayed of many. Let’s take a look at some of the others. Continue reading Take it from Snee: Be very afraid

‘I’ll just nip out the back and shoot myself’

On first reading this headline, “We have created human-animal embryos already, say British team,” our first instincts were to urge a tactical first-strike on Britannia.  After all, a war on animals includes preempting any Isle of Dr. Moreau attrocities.

But we continued reading the article.  (It’s only one day after April Fools, and the British press have made up news for centuries.)

These scientists may have opened the doors to The Restaurant at the End of the Universe by combining human and cow DNA.  Think about it: vegetarians will be forced to leave us steak- and, to a lesser extent, hamburger-eaters alone if we only eat suicidal cows.

Our prescription for our new bovine sapiens?  Lots and lots of The Cure.