Veritable institutions like the Vatican and the White House are on their toes today because Benetton, an Italian clothing retailer, photoshopped pictures of their leaders kissing their “enemies.”
The Vatican threatened legal action, while Head American Catholic Blogger Bill Donohue blogged some, over a picture of Pope Benedict XVI kissing Imam Ahmed Mohamed el Tayeb. Meanwhile, the White House endured some stupid questions in the press room, this time over the picture of President Obama kissing Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez.
All in all, Benetton’s “Unhate” campaign has been a success. They’ve only had to pull the picture of the pope, and everyone else has helped make sure we all know the-damn-well who they are. And all it cost was about $200 for a Photoshop license.
Hey kids! Are you having trouble sleeping at night? Of course you’re not, you’re a kid, you don’t want to go to bed because you’re not tired.
Hey parents! Are you sick of having to get your children to sleep at night? Do you feel bad about how many times you drug them so they’ll pass out? Just have them watch one of Venezuela President Hugo Chavez’s speeches.
Chavez said several children have told him that they recognize him from the television–when they go to sleep. The children were promptly executed.
Earlier this week, we told you about how a bunch of horses from Venezuela “mysteriously died” just hours before a polo race. Well, it would now seem that the actual culprit was Franck’s Pharmacy, which “incorrectly” gave the wrong doseage amount. We can learn two things from this situation:
1. SeriouslyGuys is not guilty of any crime, no matter how valiant the activity was.
2. Putting words in quotations marks is awesome.
Listen. Do you hear it? That wonderful sound whistling through the air? It’s the blessed sound of silence. But no, no lambs were involved. For today, we instead heard …
… The Silence of the Horses.
Which SeriouslyGuys would just like you to know that we had no involvement in whatsoever. You couldn’t prove it anyway.
Over twenty polo horses suddenly lost the will to live mere hours before they were set to race in Sunday’s polo match in Wellington, Florida. Coincidentally enough, the horses all came from a Venezuelan based team. We don’t know what you put in the water down there, Venezuela, but keep it up!
Mister Ed was asked to respond, but declined to comment. Sources say it may be due to a lack of readily available peanut butter.
Venezuelan President, Hugo Chavez, is renowned for his trolling. He frequently calls U.S. President Bush “the devil” and also spams Internet message boards with excerpts from Marx and “RON PAUL IN 2008!”
Yesterday, however, he crossed a line: in his counterargument against German Chancellor Angela Merkel, who urged Latin America to give Chavez a geopolitical “time-out,” Chavez compared her to Hitler.
- They’re both German.
- Hitler was once a Chancellor.
- They were both political leaders in Germany.
- Merkel loves dogs, too.
- Merkel enjoys Raiders of the Lost Ark, but always “falls asleep” before the end where the Nazis’ faces melt. (Spoiler alert!)
In response to these latest claims, his memberships to Total Fark, DeviantArt and Salon have been suspended for First Degree Godwinning. To get his screennames reinstated, Chavez will have to renew his IP address and create new Gmail accounts–a very stiff penalty indeed.