Tag: video games

IT’S A CONSPIRACY!

I’ve gotta say, it must be fun to work in Microsoft’s legal department. Personally, I tend to gauge whether my day is enjoyable by whether it was busy or slow, and more often than, unfortunately, my days at work are very slow. Not so much over in Redmond, it seems. It appears to never be a dull day, though whether the majority of what they have to deal with are credible or crackpot, we’ll not know. We do know one thing, however: this lawsuit is of the latter characteristic.

Microsoft is being sued yet again for allegedly knowingly selling, and profiting off of, defective products. Up to bat is a fine gentleman from Oak Forest, Illinois, who had to pay $99 to get his X-box 360 fixed. Surprisingly, though, this time, though, it seems the Red Ring of Death is not to blame. Unfortunately, the plaintiff doesn’t know exactly what’s wrong with his system, because Microsoft refused to tell him.

The unnamed plaintiff is hoping for a class-action suit, along with monetary damages (of course) and for Microsoft to stop selling 360s until they fix their hardware issues. Yeah, which of those things do you think is a bit more possible than the other?

I wouldn’t automatically accuse Microsoft of purposefully making broken hardware, because I don’t think any major company would intentionally put out a defective product, but the failure rate of their consoles has been incredibly questionable. Whether it was simply a rush job, a lack of oversight, or something totally beyond their control, who knows, but whatever it is, a total injunction against selling the system is no way to correct the problem.

Free speech costs around 55 grand

A San Jose gamer banned for his behavior in playing Resistance wants $55,000 from Sony and a judge to tell their mods to stop banning people. Removing the ability for mods to go “STFU” is an interesting case of role reversal.

Erik Estavillo, in a complaint filed July 6, also alleges that Sony Computer Entertainment’s comprehensive ban of him from the PlayStation Network constitutes theft, in the form of deprived access to prepaid PSN currency. The pain and suffering bit comes from Estavillo’s agoraphobia, which is fear of crowds and/or open spaces-so this is, he says, his only safe way to interact with others. And, naturally, he’s kvetching about his First Amendment rights, too.

He wants $55,000 in punitive damages and an injunction against all further banning.

It seems Estavillo’s representing himself. Yeah, couldn’t have spotted that one coming, either.

In further news, SG would like to announce their new clairvoyance service. Our first prediction: not a legal win for Estavillo.

Something wrong happening New Jersey? Inconceivable!

A woman was out walking and heard screams coming from a New Jersey house. She did the assumingly natural thing and phoned for the professionals, but when they got there, it all went just a little bit wacky.

Upon police arrival, the resident of the house refused to let them in, explaining that the screams were caused by a video game session. He was said to be irrational at this point (maybe someone took his Cheetos? They are dangerously cheesy), and when more cops arrived, he threatened them and slammed the door in their faces. It’s a completely and totally acceptable reaction. I’d be angry too if I lived in New Jersey.

Cops had to speak with the man through open windows, and then the SWAT Team arrived.

Seriously (Guys).

Eventually, the man left his house peacefully, and currently awaits psychological examination at the Somerset Medical Center. This makers the second time in history that an armed response team has had to interrupt a man’s gaming session. Brilliant. Just brilliant. Way to jump the gun, New Jersey.

Super Mario forced me to touch the kiddies

Blaming videogames for your sins is all the rage, and it’s such a hip movement that even dirty pedophiles are doing it! 38-year-old Ontario man Michael Cherry sure loves him some kiddy porn, but in pleading guilty to possessing the grisly stuff, he offered a most compelling explanation.

Cherry has implicated video games and comic books as contributors to his diseased state of mind, claiming that he lived in a “closed box” and that his “friendless fantasy” was fueled by interactive entertainment. The truck driver also did what many pedophiles do and tried to play the “bad childhood” card, bemoaning a life in foster care and bringing up his apparent clinical depression.

“I’d work, come home . . . lock myself in my apartment…”

Of course, there’s no excuse for downloading child pornography, no matter your background or social standing. It’s just sad that excuses are being made, and it’s thanks to those out there who have made games and comics, among other totally unrelated forms of media, easy scapegoats for criminals who wish to shed themselves of any sense of accountability. Of course, it makes one wonder who’s going to take the accountability of popping Cherry’s cherry in jail.

At least, if you weren’t wondering then, you are now. I am an evil person.

The faker it is, the more vile its nature

EA’s recent PR stunt at E3, in which they organized a protest outside the LA Convention Center and hand out pamphlets directing people to WeAreSavedGroup.org for their upcoming game Dante’s Inferno, was a stroke of genius. You can call it dumb, or cheap or dirty, but the fact remains that it got them a crap ton of press in both the gaming world and the mainstream, and it fooled a whole lot of people — whether they admit to be fooled or not. This would usually be what you call a successful PR move.

Not so much on all fronts. It would seem that even a fake group can offend — though, in this case, it offended those they stereotyped. Like Pavlovian dogs trained to raise their head if someone mocks an aspect of Christianity, some Christians were offended.

“‘It’s been clear for a while now that the entertainment industry views Christians on the whole as priggish, thin-skinned fun-killers,’ writes Margaret Cabaniss on her website.”

Sadly, she’s not alone in her ability to present an ironic statement about how Christians are actually hip and with-it when it comes to gaming. Catholic Video Gamers had a few choice words to say too, culminating in,

“So instead of engaging in a shamelessly anti-Christian stunt to promote your poor excuse of a product, maybe you ought to work on making this game, you know, something better than a blatant God of War rip-off and make it, ya know, something worthwhile?”

Newsflash, people: we’re talking about a game that’s already made. So your admonishment to pour the effort spent hating Christians back into making the game is moot.

PETA still doesn’t like video games

The People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals are at it again, shifting their sights from World of Warcraft to the virtual big top.

PETA launched a campaign to try and put a stop to Take-Two’s Wii game featuring Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus, saying that the famed circus is “looking to take its cruelty to animals virtual.”

The species traitors terrorist group organization says that they’ve already told publisher Take-Two about Ringling Bros. “real life, lengthy history of animal abuse and neglect” and even shown them undercover video footage, but alas, to no avail.

So now PETA is asking people to send a message to Take-Two CEO Ben Feder asking him to sever ties with Ringling Bros. and telling them they would rather play a game featuring a circus that “does not beat animals for entertainment.”

PETA clearly knows not of our War on Animals. As such, they’ve never known the sweet pleasure of beating a virtual animal for enjoyment. Training is training, after all.

Lamest member of a frat just became lamer

It feels really odd writing a story about a frat member that doesn’t (knowingly) involve alcohol in it whatsoever, but here goes. A 21-year-old Wisconsin man is in a lot of trouble after using a fraternity debit card to unlawfully spend over $12,000 on video games. Rather than accept responsibility for his crimes, Jose Taverez has adopted the patriotically American way of blaming other things, in this case his crushing videogame addiction. Awwwwwwww!

“Tavarez … told police he used a fraternity debit card to buy videogames because his bank account is linked to his parents’ and he did not want them seeing that he spent his money on the games,” reports the Wisconsin State Journal. “A list of suspicious purchases on the card… included about 70 purchases at game-oriented businesses, along with many others from online stores selling computer goods …”

The sad part of this story is that I’m sure there will be plenty of people willing to actually believe evil videogames gripped this man’s soul and forced him, an innocent victim, to steal that money. As opposed to the apparent greed and desire to manipulate that which ultimately does not belong to him. Such is the blameless society we have created for ourselves. Also, being twelve grand in debt because of video games? That’s not just lame-that’s super lame. Guess which frat brother is gonna get super-hazed when he gets back from jail?

Even Charlie Brown’s laughing at you, kid

Because she’s a cool mom, Jody Wykle, of Lake Wales, Fla., gave her son Guitar Hero: On Tour even though he didn’t have a DS, just so she could make the guy squirm while she played clueless. Then, surprise! She handed over the DS – a sealed box, mind you – and when he opened it, things got unintentionally a lot worse.

“When he opened it, he was like, ‘A box of rocks?‘” Wykle told WTSP-TV. “He said, ‘Mom, that ain’t a joke.'”

Indeedy not, especially for a $138 handheld. She went back to Walmart, which gave her the not-our-problem treatment – until Jody called in the media, at which point it very much became their problem. They promptly refunded the DS and shelled out a gift card. Before getting the refund, Wykle bought a second DS, just so her son could have a proper birthday present. “I made them open it while I was there to make sure there was a DS in it,” she told WTSP.

Here’s the kicker: Seems that box of rocks had been returned before. WONK WONK WONK.

MasterChugs Theater: ‘Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li’

The original Street Fighter, the Jean Claude Van Damme/Kylie Minogue/Ming Na vehicle that managed to kill the great Raul Julia, is not a good movie. It never was, and anyone that thought it was is a fool. However, it does have one fairly redeeming value-it’s flat out hilarious how bad it is. With lines uttered by Van Damme (playing the incredibly American soldier, William Guile) like “You sun hof ha beetch” and “Ow-fah, uht-tack”, it made the movie utterly enjoyable.

Over a decade and a half later, we have Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li. It’s not connected to Street Fighter outside of its characters having the same names as some of the characters from the original. It’s also not a good movie. And that’s it. Unlike the original, there is nothing redeeming about it. Let’s find out why. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li’