CDC warns hipsters may ironically get anthrax from shaving

Everything was just more elegant back then.

Some guys are really into shaving. They’re so into it that they rebel against those super-expensive, multi-bladed monsters, and instead go for expensive, vintage shaving tools to feel fancy. But these guys could be giving themselves old school anthrax.

The Centers for Disease Control has put out a warning to hipsters everywhere that their vintage shaving brushes could come with free vintage anthrax spores. Back around World War I there was a pretty bad outbreak of head and face anthrax in the U.S. and U.K. Researchers are concerned that brushes from before 1930 will carry these anthrax spores and cause a new outbreak among hipsters. All it takes is a nick in the skin for the spores to enter your body and before long, you’ve got swelling, bumps and blisters that could potentially kill you.

But hey, using some other guy’s old shaving stuff is so cool.

’76 a good year for vaccines

Proving they just don’t make them like they used to, it appears that the original swine flu vaccine from 1976 still protected its recipients in the recent 2009 outbreak. 33 years later! We don’t even have herpes outbreaks that last that long anymore!

The best part about this news is that hipsters are finally willing to get vaccinated against the H1N1 virus now that they believe there’s a vintage shot available.

(It’s really the 2009 one, but we acid-washed it and dried it on “high” to shrink and make it look retro.)

Take it from Snee: Cleaning out the language gutters, part II

It was brought to my attention that there are a few words that I left out of my last purge of the English language.  Of course, that was not a definitive list-merely the beginning of an ongoing renovation project.

The criteria is simple: once a word has been abused, sullied and tarred-and-feathered to the point that it is rendered meaningless, I will take it to the shed and put it out of its misery with a bullet between the eyes.  It’s all done humanely, and I always gather the torn out dictionary pages with some friends for a good cry.  Afterwards, we get drunk and mangle the rest of the language.

Continue reading Take it from Snee: Cleaning out the language gutters, part II