You Missed It: End of 2012 edition

It's how I do my thinking.
It’s how I do my thinking.

Oh, hello there. I’m just here sitting back in my smoking jacket and enjoying a nice whiskey on the rocks (my third). You know, I’ve been thinking a lot about 2012. It really sucked, didn’t it? Stop and think about it for a minute, did anything good happen this year to anyone but Psy? Not really. However, it certainly was a wild, memorable ride. Perhaps it was the looming threat of the end of the world. It could be the heavy buzz I’ve got going, but I feel like looking back on the biggest stories of this year. Grab a drink and join me, won’t you?

January:

Swingin’ Gingrich
Marianne Gingrich made her ex-husband, Newt, look even worse by dropping the bombshell that he wanted to have an open marriage. Apparently this is worse than asking your wife for a divorce when she’s recovering from cancer treatments in the hospital. Mitt Romney didn’t see what the big deal is–you can have more than one wife, right?

Also, they battle Hitler
In a story that can only end well, scientists in New York made “supersoldier” ants. I’m not really sure why this was so important to do, but now there are ants with really large heads. Their heads are so large that they are able to block the entrances to their nest when it comes under attack. Also, they do this really cool shield-throwing trick.

Equal time rule
A year away from inauguration day, and President Barack Obama was out on the campaign trail. He was raising funds, and he’d do just about anything for your money. At The Apollo, he noted that Rev. Al Green was in the audience, and did his own version of “Let’s Stay Together,” well a few bars of it, anyway. And he’s got the chops for it, too. The American public got to hear his pipes more along the campaign trail when he sang “Red Solo Cup” in Missouri. Continue reading You Missed It: End of 2012 edition

Move on already, everyone

Okay, we get it: you’re still troubled by Pluto being declared a non-planet. You think that the IAU is a bunch of mean-faces. They think you’re dense. You’ve even possibly suggested a form of planetary based racism by the IAU. They carefully wipe off the swastikas from the stellar chart. There are even states now that willingly purport Pluto to still be a planet in utter defiance of those that would denounce it. Will this create a new civil war of sorts? Who knows.

But if the news about Pluto does not accompany conspiracy talk involving Walt Disney and cryogenics, we just don’t care anymore!

This has been a public service announcement by SeriouslyGuys.com

How To: Develop a conspiracy theory

Did you know that there was/maybe still is a fully-functional Michael Jordan robot? Of course you didn’t, because The Man® doesn’t want you to know The TruthTM!

(Don’t believe them when They say you can’t handle it.)

We can all enjoy a good conspiracy theory like the one I just mentioned, but how do you create and hone your own? And what do you do about all those naysayers and CIA agents that try to discredit you?

To answer these questions and more, keep reading to find out how to develop a conspiracy theory. Continue reading How To: Develop a conspiracy theory

UN ushers in Year of the Potato

It’s the Vegetable New Year!  After a very successful Year of the Rutabaga and the disastrous 2006 Year of the Spinach Leaf, the United Nations is celebrating in the streets to usher in the Year of the Potato.

If you were born in 2008, 1996, 1984, 1972, 1960, 1948,1936, 1924, 1912 or 1900, then this is your year, Potato Head! 

For those born in these years, you are forthright, disciplined, systematic, meticulous, charismatic, hardworking, industrious, charming, eloquent, sociable and shrewd. Potatos can be manipulative, cruel, dictatorial, rigid, selfish, obstinate, critical, over-ambitious, ruthless, intolerant, scheming and sturdy.

Watch out for Cabbages and Broccoli–they are jealous of your charisma and secretly plot your downfall.

Other Potatos include classical composers Bach and Handel, one-eared artist Van Gogh, keyboard-maiming Dvorak, Walt Disney and Charlie Chaplin.