Here’s a hot real estate tip for you: If you’re looking to buy a ranch, there’s one up for sale in Arizona. The only real issue is that you have to deal with aliens.
UFO propagandist John Edmonds says he’s had enough of extra terrestrials coming to his ranch and attacking him. On his Facebook page, he says it’s happened 19 times so far. The aliens show up at his ranch, and he gets into hand-to-hand combat with them, eventually scaring them off. One more time there: aliens have mastered interplanetary travel, but don’t have an answer to hand-held weapons, and get scared off every time.
In the most recent incident, they tried to kidnap his wife. But he saved her by fighting a group of them with a ninja sword, killing one of them. The aliens retreated with their fallen comrade’s body, so there’s no real evidence, of course.
So if you’re cool with living at a place once owned by a guy trying to make himself famous by lying about aliens, we have a great deal for you.
It’s always been the favorite argument of time travel skeptics: If time travel is possible, why haven’t we seen any time travelers? That excuse just got blown to bits.
In Casper, Wyoming, police were called to a residence on Monday and found a man who said he was from the future. Also, he was visibly drunk. Authorities say Bryant Johnson claimed to be from the year 2048, and he had traveled back in time with an urgent message: aliens are going to invade next year, so prepare.
The future is weird. Johnson said aliens sent him back in time by filling him up with booze and having him stand on a pad. The aliens must have been drunk, too, because Johnson said he was supposed travel back to 2018, not 2017.
It’s been 48 hours, so there’s a good chance Johnson has that alien future booze out of his system. We’ll see if he has any other warnings for us in the days ahead.
Hillary Clinton has scored her share of key endorsements during the campaign, but she may have just gotten her biggest get yet. The only thing is these guys may be abducted at any time.
Alien conspiracy theorists say Clinton is the candidate for them. She has said all the right things when it comes to alien hunters. She’s calling UFOs “unexplained aerial phenomena,” and pledged to look into alien conspiracy theories if elected. She’s treating these people more seriously than the Obama administration, which isn’t hard. These truth seekers have been the butt of presidential jokes for decades.
This is a huge win for the Clinton camp, because this is America, and conspiracy theorists are the most coveted votes around. Until now, the Trump campaign had received all the conspiracy folks, namely, the birthers, the militia dudes and white people who feel they are oppressed.
If you know anyone only eats vegan, for the sake of the Earth, get them to stop now.
Laura Magdalene Eisenhower, the great-granddaughter of former President Dwight D. Eisenhower, is here to tell you that vegan diets could attract what she calls “sky beings.” She said these “sky beings” come in the form of UFOs, aliens or multi-dimensional beings. Do you hear that, hippies? You’re going to bring the wrath of beings that exist in several dimensions. By Eisenhower’s reasoning, meat is dense, so eating meat makes you dense, while eating fruits and vegetables make you lighter, which can bring you into contact with “sky beings.”
And she knows what she’s talking about, Eisenhower is a clairvoyant and spiritual healer. When have they ever been wrong?
Vietnam saw its share of bombs during the 20th century. We’re not well-versed on our post-unification Vietnamese history, but we don’t believe there have been many bombs since then. All that has changed.
There is a secret war being waged every day. We don’t hear about it much because it’s fought in the shadows of night, and the government doesn’t want us to know about it. One Pennsylvania man isn’t about to let War on Aliens get swept under the rug.
Arthur Brown, 78, put up bright spotlights all over the exterior of his house to keep aliens away. His neighbors have complained, and the town has fined him, most likely because they are become aliens, too. One of his neighbors is upset because it’s been going on for more than a decade, and she can’t sell her house because of it. Now, the town is asking Brown to limit the amount of time the spotlights run.
But what they don’t understand is that those lights are working. Zero aliens have shown up since Brown put the lights up. He should be counted a hero.
Folks, we can ill afford another war right now. We’re still fighting wars on aliens, animals, art, education and robots, as well as our undeclared war on chafing. But we find ourselves at the brink or war once again, this time, with plants.
Late last month, a woman in Italy was cutting up artichokes she bought earlier at the grocery store. As soon as her knife pierced one of them, it exploded. She was stunned, but largely unhurt. What’s even more shocking is that similar attacks like this occurred in Italy in 2003 and 2008. The story the Italian government wants you to believe is that it’s a chemical reaction related to fertilizers.
We’re not saying that this means war just yet, but it doesn’t look good.