On education: it’s time for another abstract war

100% of the drug abusers who have sex with this teacher (left) are students receiving an education. 

Education in this great nation of ours (the United States for the benefit of our foreign readers) has descended into a spiral of moral and institutional decay. New math has proven fruitless, D.A.R.E. has been rejected and teachers everywhere are having sex with students.

What is the culprit in all of these situations? Education.

Notice, if you will, a disturbing trend:

  • 100% of the developers of new math received education. Furthermore, their method was published and marketed by a university that may or may not sell education.
  • D.A.R.E. is co-cordinated by educators. 100% of D.A.R.E. attendees are students, and 100% of those students that use drugs went to school (read: education).
  • 100% of educators found guilty of sexual misconduct with students received some degree of education. 100% of all students who were sexually abused by their teachers met their antagonists in an educational environment.

In short, it’s time to take off the kid gloves, folks. Education is the cause of all of our society’s ills, including education. As impractical as it may seem, it is time to start another war: The War on Education.