Craft beer’s war isn’t with Bud, it’s with bud

Washington state, Oregon and Colorado are home to some of the finest craft breweries in the country, but beer isn’t selling like it used to in those states, thanks to marijuana.

According to a new report, residents in those states are increasingly choosing weed over suds. Legalized marijuana has allowed more choices for those who want a buzz, which means people aren’t picking up as much craft beer as they used to. Data shows that beer sales haven’t matched expectations in the past two years, meanwhile, marijuana sales are high. (GET IT?)

But all this really means is that the brewery that makes a smokable beer will be  very rich.

Easter egg hunt yields 45 pounds of pot

Sure, Easter was two days ago, but the stories keep coming. Imagine you’re holding a neighborhood Easter egg hunt when all of a sudden a man comes out screaming that his roommates are going to kill him. Sounds like the opening of a bad cop show, doesn’t it?

In Washington state, deputies were called to a disturbance at an Easter egg hunt, and ended up finding a lot more than the Easter Bunny brought. They searched the house of the man who complained about his roommates, and found a large-scale illegal marijuana operation going on. They found more than $200,000 in pot, and a whole lot of cash on hand.

All three roommates were arrested and charged, and no guns were found. So basically, the guy ratted on himself. It must’ve been a “come to Jesus” moment.

Open-minded voters elect zombies in Washington state

The voters have sent a clear message: if you’re dead and seeking office, head to Washington state.

John Rosentangle was 63 when he “died” in August. That didn’t keep him from winning 71% of the vote for King County Water District 54 last week. Meanwhile, in the city of Aberdeen, John Erak, 81, was running for city council when he died of an illness. However, after death, he still campaigned well enough to get 53% of the vote.

They can’t be worse than Congress.

Oink, dude

There’s grass-fed meat and then there’s grass-fed meat.

In Washington state, one rancher is experimenting with how to make pork taste even better by feeding pigs marijuana. It works exactly like you’d think. While pigs can’t really get high, they can get the munchies. Making the pigs even hungrier will make them eat even more, and butchers hope, give the meat a little more a little tastier. Who knows, maybe you will even get a contact high from your morning bacon.

Still, there’s no reason we should be using the legalization of marijuana to benefit our animal foes. It’s the gateway drug, and no one wants to eat heroin-addled pork.

That doggo ate-cho llama baby

People, pay attention to the link. If there’s another story headline that should shock you into utter panic and worry, then I don’t know what it could be.


Watch out Washingtonians (the state citizens, not the masochists of Barry)! It always starts out with a gigantic llama (when you’re short, all animals look gigantic, even the microscopic ones), then a massive killing spree that knows no boundaries, but eventually it turns horrifying.

To help emphasize the danger of the situation, a local constabulary spoke to the media.

Undersheriff Lavonne Webb told the AP the pack is ” killing for the sake of killing.”

There are some that might be a bit skeptical about such a claim. They fall in one of two categories:

1. Those that will be killed sooner rather than later.
2. Species traitors, through and through.