We take our water for granted. At best, we assume it will the bland, colorless, tasteless liquid that is somehow acceptable to both drink and bathe in. But what if we could make it more awesome?
In Livingston County, Michigan, local waterways are now heavily caffeinated after a massive spill of Mountain Dew syrup at a bottling plant. A tank holding the syrup, which is added to fizzy water to make soda, burst, allowing 7,200 gallons of it to make it down the drain and into a retention pond. Because the syrup mixed with water, it is now technically Mountain Dew.
Look out, Flint. Your water supply is about to become EXTREME.
Outrage culture has gone too far once again. And it’s no surprise this time it’s in the liberal bastion known as Tennessee.
A woman dining at a Japanese steak house was forced to endure being sprayed with water. During the performance, a cook reportedly sprayed the woman with a plastic toy resembling a boy pulling his pants down and peeing. The woman was offended by the water spray, and told authorities she felt sexually assaulted.
No arrests were made after the toy was found to not have a penis. Yes, that is true.
Cleveland is a tough, proud town on Lake Erie. Sure everyone likes to make fun of its sports teams because they are awful, but the people endure. And it’s no wonder that people in The Cleve yearn for days gone by. Those who miss the 1970s may soon have a reminder on tap.
People were shocked when Playboy announced that it’s going non-nude from now on, and I don’t understand why. Didn’t the magazine do that for a few issues 30 years ago when Hugh Hefner had a come-to-Jesus moment? It didn’t work then, obviously. It may or may not work now, but the real question is who cares? I can’t tell you the last time I saw a place that sold Playboy, much less talked to someone who owned them. I know a generation ago it was like a rite of passage or whatever, and that older guys are probably all that’s keeping that magazine is business, but Playboy magazine hasn’t really ever been relevant to people my age, and I’m sure it isn’t for those younger than me. As long as the mansion’s still having parties. If you were busy taking your reality show to capture your ex-husband’s struggle for life this week, odds are you missed it.
The outlaw returns
It was confirmed this week that an old photograph bought at a store in California is a newly discovered photo of Billy the Kid. Photo experts authenticated the photo, which shows Mr. The Kid and members of his gang in Lincoln County, New Mexico playing croquet after a wedding. That means that every girl planning a wedding in a barn with string lights and mason jars is adding croquet to her reception plans right now.
Trump, Carson threaten to not be seen for once
This week, Republican presidential candidates Donald Trump and Ben Carson told CNBC that they would boycott the upcoming debate hosted by the news channel if it were to run more than two hours long and not include opening and closing remarks. So that’s how you get rid of them.
What’s that smell?
Researchers in California have developed a bikini they say will help clean the ocean. The skimpy swimsuit is made out of material that repels water, but sucks in pollutants in the water. The invention has a fatal flaw, because women wearing bikinis at beaches never actually go anywhere near the water.
Kristina Mena, a U.S. expert in risk assessment for waterborne viruses, examined the AP data and estimated that international athletes at all water venues would have a 99 percent chance of infection if they ingested just three teaspoons of water — though whether a person will fall ill depends on immunity and other factors.
It would take our athletes years to acclimate to those waters, which wouldn’t prevent them from getting sick, but would lessen symptom severity. As it stands, they don’t have enough time to train without chumming their swim lanes — a considerable amount of beefy chum if you’ve ever been to a Texas de Brasil restaurant.
So, congratulations, third-world athletes. You finally found an advantage over first-world water filtration. But, seriously, what a sh*tty way to win.
If you see a glowing tampon floating in a stream, don’t just be grossed out, run. There’s a good chance you’re in danger.
Researchers have found that they can use common coloring chemicals to dye tampons, and then send them to find leaks in sewage pipes. You just send them down into the sewer, and then scour nearby lakes, rivers and streams to find them again. It will give you an idea of where the leak is and where pollution is seeping into lakes.
Why tampons? They float, and they don’t have dyes like other cotton does, so they can easily absorb something bright to make them easier to find.
The down side, of course, is that in this case, they only find the leaks. They don’t plug them up.
You can tell it’s nearly spring on the West Coast when people start peeing in city reservoirs.
In San Francisco, the local water authority is under fire after reports that a maintenance manager peed into an empty reservoir. Apparently, this is a problem, even though there was no water to contaminate in the reservoir in the first place. He faces a week’s suspension for putting no one at risk.
Bill Gates changed the word 30 years ago, but that got boring. So he’s been doing a lot of humanitarian stuff. But like anything, that gets boring if you do it long enough. Gates needed a new challenge.
He needed to do something only the super-rich could afford to do. Something off the wall and headline grabbing. Something that other rich people will soon emulate. So he chose drinking poop water.