The Fitbit for your d%$k is finally here

Wearable smart technology isn’t cool or really even that useful. For example, smart watches are as cool as calculator watches were a couple decades ago. But damned if companies won’t stop trying to hook you: there’s now a fitness tracker for your penis.

Men, have you ever wanted to feel more self-conscious about your performance in bed? The i.Con is here to help! It’s a Bluetooth-enabled ring you put around your junk to track time elapsed, calories burned and pace. Think of it as a Fitbit, only not on your wrist. You can then upload your data to see how you rank among other dumb guys who thought buying this thing was a good idea.

But don’t put it on your Christmas wish list just yet, the i.Con won’t be available until January, and even then only sold in the U.K. The rest of us will just have to track our performance the old-fashioned way, by accepting the lies of our sex partners.