Eat the red shirts first

Nearly 2000 (if this headline is to be believed) trekkers have been stranded in a small mountain resort for accessing Mt. Everest. They’ve been stuck for four days, and officials believe they could be there for at least a few more days with dwindling food supplies.

If they cannot be evacuated in time, the trekkers — which are like trekkies, only with chips on their shoulders — will begin eating each other in order of shirt color, though this could lead to a fight over whether TOS or TNG rules apply.

Today’s Forecast: Cloudy, with a chance of flaming eyeball

To test their new emergency broadcast system without alerting citizens, Hungary’s disaster agency will broadcast warnings today of adverse weather in Middle Earth locations. State radio and television stations will report “floods and catastrophic weather in Gondor, Rohan, Rivendell, Helm’s Deep and other locations inhabited by Hobbits, Orcs, Elves, Ents and Dwarves.”

Unfortunately, it still backfired: New Zealand has already reported receiving aid kits from saddened Hungarians.

(Via Alexis)

You Missed It: Gilbert’s got a gun edition

Hello again, everyone, and welcome to 2010. I’ve been waiting here for you for quite some time. Now that I have thawed my keyboard out in this country-wide cold snap we’re having. I am now prepared to tell you what you missed this year, one week at a time. If you were busy announcing you would not run for re-election, odds are you missed it.

The NRA should take on the NBA
The Washington Wizards’ Gilbert Arenas was suspended by the NBA this week after showing a gun in his locker to a teammate. In what may have been his last game of the season, Arenas gathered the team (the Bullets) in a circle during warm-ups and shot them all with his fingers. NBA Commissioner David Stern did not enjoy the gun show.

The case in favor of sterilization
Tila Tequila, who became “famous” for her MySpace page, and then later for being an attention/ actual whore on reality television shows, might be pregnant, according to her Twitter. Should Tequila actually be pregnant, there is no word yet on how long it will take her to push the child out of her Twitter.

They’ve weaved stranger things into the plot
White House spokesman Robert Gibbs said that President Barack Obama’s State of the Union Address will not pre-empt the season premiere of Lost. He assured the legions of Lost fans that the speech will not happen on Feb. 2, the date the show is scheduled to return. In other news, this is really what our country finds important.

The McBournie Minute: Hurricanes really blow

When I was a kid, hurricanes sounded pretty cool. They had names like “Bob” or “Felix” or “Andrew.” They made you want to be around them so you could see the weather turn bad and watch as trees fell down. For me, it was kind of like a tornado, they seemed pretty cool from what I had heard and I hoped one day I could see one.

Late one summer I was spending a weekend at my grandmother’s summer home in the coastal town of Scituate, Massachusetts. A hurricane whose name I cannot remember was going to hit on Tuesday and I wanted to hang around, but for some reason, my parents, probably bend on ruining my childhood, would not let me stay to see the storm.

The hurricane knocked down a huge sea wall made of a pile of large rocks, causing the sea to spill into the pond behind it and eventually flooding the house. The neighbor’s wooden, double bench swing was blown away and never seen again. As a kid, all I could think was “Awesome!” Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Hurricanes really blow

A message to our western readers

The Guys are really sad to hear about the End of the World that has recently hit your neck of the woods. As some of you are no doubt aware, our own Rick Snee was within a couple miles of a tornado recently, and yours truly saw some really deep water a couple years ago, so we are practically experts on the End of the World coming to a world near you.

We do sincerely extend our regrets to all of you, and hope you don’t fall off into the ocean, as so many cinematic experiences would suggest. We would miss you terribly if you left us, and we hope the loss of vital utilities, like electricity, will not keep you from reading us.

Just to update everyone else: it’s snowing in San Diego (Spanish for “What is this ‘precipitation’ you speak of?”), stranding lots of people. But more entertainingly, a billion gallons of tainted water are set to cause a massive tidal wave in Colorado. And finally, Texas is blowing up.