Tag: web

Fox News finally has a true online rival

It took nearly 10 years since they exploded on the New York scene, but Al-Qaida has finally gotten their particular brand of propaganda translated into the English language.

The terrorist group–accept no substitutes–launched their English language Web ‘zine, Inspire, on Tuesday. They’ve even taken a note from infidel fashion magazines with their feature article, “How to Make a Bomb in the Kitchen of Your Mom.”

(Unlike Maxim, it’s not a clever title about impregnating MILFs, but literally about making bombs with common kitchen items … though they belong to your mom and you shouldn’t know how to use them if you’re a fundiemoron.)

We’d like to welcome Al-Qaida to the Internet, and wish nothing them nothing but our thoroughly CIA-investigated best!

Online dating is hell

Online dating sites are corrupting America, and we’re not talking about erotic ads on craigslist. Apparently, the number of members of our military joining those sites is huge. This means that rather than being hooked on various kinds of drugs, like in Vietnam, our fighting men and women are now becoming addicted to love.

What is the world coming to? Every one of us knows that online dating is the enemy and a dangerous gateway. You know, first you start dating people, then you start posting cutesy pictures of each other on your Facebook page, pretty soon, you’re telling everyone how great this person is, nauseating everyone within earshot. Folks, this is not what our troops need. They need to remain celibate like Jesus and focused on the fight so they can come home alive and start a baby boom.

Our brave servicemen and women need to stop thinking about who winked back at them and lay down some covering fire.

SG newspaper death pool now open

Today we lose another valued member of the newspaper society. As many of you have no doubt heard by now, the Seattle Post-Intelligencer (whose name seems a cruel joke about telling you news well after the fact) sells its final print edition today, after more than a century of service.

The P-I, as it is called, is switching to an online-only format and is the first U.S. newspaper to do so. The newspaper is not the first to go under in the recession, and countless more newspapers are teetering on the edge. It’s an inevitable drop that we have all seen coming for 20 years. And while we all are sad, it’s all our faults because we are the ones who stopped buying newspapers. Sure, they have steadily decreased in quality for years and get ink all over your hands, it’s our job as a society to buy these newspapers and support our journalists’ drinking habits.

On another sad note, it is my sad duty to announce that after today, the print version of SeriouslyGuys will no longer be available. We are switching to a Web-only format and experimenting with this whole “blog” fad that seems to be hip with the kids these days. You will be able to find us at www.SeriouslyGuys.com.

Church to accept indulgences through PayPal

The band Bush once wrote a song called “Jesus Online.” Unlike the vast majority of Bush’s songs, this one is starting to make sense.

Churches are reporting a decline in people showing up for the confession of their sins, that is, you know, if their branch of Christianity believes in that sort of thing. However, it may no longer be a priest needed to act as a conduit to a higher power, all one might need is an Internet connection.

People can now “reach out and touch faith.” (See, Depeche Mode fans? We got a reference for you, too.) A new study from Georgetown (Jorgétown, to our Spanish-speaking readers) says that more and more people are logging on to Web sites, both Christian- and non-Christian-run, to confess their guilt on everything from binge shopping to affairs.

The Guys are ready to hear your wrongdoings, citizens of the world. Feel free to leave a comment or send us an e-mail with your salacious sins.

Note: SeriouslyGuys is not an ordained Web site, nor is it affiliated with any particular religion. We do however, feel the need to get the latest gossip.