Denny’s finally validating title of ‘destination wedding’

It took them just over four months, but last night, Denny’s finally closed the deal. That’s right, a wedding at their exclusive downtown Las Vegas restaurant happened. The lucky couple was treated to a “Pancake Puppies” cake and “Grand Slamosas.” Also, diabetes.

Remember, what felt like nearly a lifetime of planning can soon be over in just a few hours thanks to annulments and careful thinking.

Honeymoons over my hammy

Denny’s strikes a blow for the sanctity of marriage as an institution between one man, one woman and one Elvis impersonator.

With over 1,700 Denny’s restaurants worldwide, you don’t have to travel far to get breakfast 24 hours a day, spaghetti or salmonella. But, there are only 50 locations with a full bar, and only one of those serves the ultimate 3 a.m. regret: marriage.

Denny’s newest location in Las Vegas will feature a wedding chapel and photo booth. And while you’re there, don’t forget to say “I do” to a Grand Slam breakfast so you can “round the bases” before you get back to your hotel room. (Denny’s is not responsible for pre-consumation bloat and food comas.)

Denny’s: what? At least you didn’t get hitched in a Waffle House.

Brotherly love means hitting each other

Two weddings clashed in the bar of the Sheraton Society Hill in Philadelphia. Guests caught the very early Sunday morning brawl on camera, which left 1 dead and 3 arrested.

One of those witnesses, 15-year-old Max Schultz posted video of a police officer holding back one of the brides as a man in a tuxedo is thrown to the floor. “Did they just deck the bride?” he asked.

Yes, Max. It’s tradition in Philadelphia to deck the bride. If there isn’t a receiving line after the ceremony for every to get a hit in, then it is up to guests to approach the bride sometime during the reception, preferably after dinner, but before the cutting of the groom, and wallop her good. If this sounds weird or gross to you at 15, you’ll understand when you get older.

Robot love

Japan was once an empire, then we nuked them and they became our allies. They went through an industrial revolution and subsequently went nutso. (There! Now you don’t have to read that history of Japan.) This is especially true when it comes to love.

First, a man was allowed to marry a cartoon character. Now, a couple (who physically exist in real life) were married by a robot. The happy couple agreed to a ceremony officiated by an I-Fairy, which is not, in fact, a Pokemon. It’s actually a robot that apparently is also a justice of the peace.

We are only steps away from having robots that we can have divorce us. Progress!

The McBournie Minute: Black tuxedo, black label

If you’ll forgive me, I’m a  bit exhausted right now. Also, I believe my system is still trying to flush out the last of the whiskey. I had quite a time over the weekend. I know what you’re thinking and no, it wasn’t my average bender. It was the wedding of Bryan Schools.

I was the best man, so on Friday I got out of work early to meet up with my girlfriend and head down to Richmond, Virginia for the rehearsal that night. The wedding was at The Jefferson, which is alleged to be the swankiest hotel in town. From what I saw, that held up.

We only ran through the rehearsal once, and somehow, all of the groomsmen and bridesmaids were able to get it down pat on the first take, like Frank Sinatra. Sure, all we had to do was walk in and line up in a symmetrical way with the ladies. But it was a lot to remember. For example, we had to remember to keep our hands clasped in front of us. This was very important. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Black tuxedo, black label

Can we end this stupid vampire trend already?

It’s October, and fall is in the air. But in Ohio, there is more than just that. There is also apparently some *sigh* vampirical vapors in the area.

In a Halloween-themed wedding, a 61-year-old and a 44-year-old got married. The bride and groom were married dressed like vampires. They even had the ceremony at a haunted house.

“Holsinger arrived in a coffin inside a hearse, and the coffin was carried to the altar by six pallbearers. Minister Greg Kopp was dressed as Jason in the Friday the 13th movies.”

Ug. What is it with old people these days.

You Missed It: They spent how much on what? edition

The weekend is upon us. Rejoice, for a great and miraculous time of drinking and a life away from the office is upon most of America. Or maybe that’s just us. No, wait, that’s probably just us.

Oh, what’s that? We said last week that there wouldn’t be an edition of You Missed It this week? Well, we lied. About YMI not showing up this week. Rick Snee is indeed getting married tomorrow (as of this post) and Bryan McBournie will indeed be in attendance. As such, you’re stuck with me. This is your first and only warning. Nonethless, if you were busy cleaning out your retirement fund before Wall Street does it for you, odds are you missed it.

The world is on AIG’s tab

AIG, the insurance giant that was recently bailed out financially by a Congressional bill, came under fire when it was revealed that executives were sent on $440,000 retreat just days after receiving money from said bill. It was expected that along with basket-weaving, wallet-making and bug-juice drinking, they’d also learn how to make a s’more with ingredients that cost less than 45 dollar.

It’s just a case of he said, she he said

The hopes and desires of armchair politicians were sated as yet another debate between presidential candidates Senator Barack Obama and Senator John McCain took place on Tuesday night. Adopting a townhall style format and moderated by Tom Brokaw, Obama was noted as looking “very statesmanlike”, while McCain drew comparisons to “your crazy Uncle Fred that’s looking for his meds”.

It’s a golden age for Unremovable Windows Inc.

The Dow Jones Industrial Average took numerous dives this week, ultimately landing at 679, the lowest level that it’s been to in 5 years (as of writing). The effect of this was so bad that even the Nikkei 225 Stock Average followed similar suit, dropping rapidly with an expected low opening. Noted French industry analyst was Doctor S. Urkelle was heard asking “Est-ce que j’ai fait cela?

‘Do you take this woman?’ ‘Roger that’

Normally, we don’t cover much that has to do with love, aside from a series of features covering such a topic. We try to keep that mushy crap underneath, buried way, way down. None Only one of the guys is getting married. We are just too manly for such paltry things.

But wait, what if there was something that made it seem like an action movie? That’s what piqued our attention.

In England, where mostly crazy people live, a couple got married several hundred meters–err, we mean several thousand feet in the air. The bride and groom were each on top of biplanes flying side by side, while another biplane flying just ahead of them had a minister standing on top of it. The witnesses? Um, they were on the ground watching three biplanes fly around in formation.

For kicks, the entrance to the wedding reception wedding reception was a 50-foto high trapeze wire with an open bar at the other end.

Truthful Headline of the Day

CNN didn’t pull any punches with today’s Headline of the Day: “A puking bride, crazy squirrel and a fire.”

No, it’s not a bunch of highlights from a Passover holiday special — it’s about weddings, which is a hot topic this time of year. Chances are, if you’ve recently graduated college, you have about 20 of these to go to all year.

If you’re lucky, maybe you, too, will have an interesting story to tell. Unless it’s open-bar; then there are no stories to remember.

How To: Get married

We’ve provided several How Tos on how to get into a relationship. This isn’t one of those.

No, this How To is about making the whole ordeal much, much easier. At some point, you’re going to consider taking the plunge, whether it’s a matter of financial security, citizenship, wanting to breed or the government finally said it’s OK. (Keep your chins up, robo sapiens!)

That is why The Guys sat down and drafted this handy guide that explains how to get married.

Continue reading How To: Get married