My favorite worst nightmare

I’m a capitalist, through and through. That’s the one creed that I subscribe to. I believe in the free market society. I believe in the trading of goods and services via currency. I believe that the market will decide on what is best.

I don’t believe in hippies. They are filthy gypsies that run around without a care in the world, not realizing the effect that has on our society. They crowd up already busy streets and drain our nation’s resources (there’s only so much peanut butter in the world, people!). Worst of all, they parade around and drown themselves in patchouli oil.

Most of all, I don’t want to have to trade you 5 carrots for riding on my bike for 30 minutes. That doesn’t work. And I don’t care for a marijuana farmer’s market. I don’t want to have to trade 2 lambs for a pound of kif. No, if I want that, I’ll do what every other hard-working American citizen does: move to California, fake an injury and get a prescription from a doctor.

We’re rich!

Quick everyone, check your hundred dollar bills! What you have are limited edition objects-they’re real items!

I say this to you all because the government currently has a bit of a problem involving the green stuff (no, not the same problem that the state of California has been bringing up every two years). It would seem that the new bills that they printed, filled with all sorts of wacky and fantastic high tech security whatnots and doodads (industry terms, my friends in the information technology world tell me), might be just a wee bit too high tech for their own good. Sadly, this isn’t just a small batch of money either; no, we’re talking an amount to the tune of 1.1 billion.

The reasons for why this happened are unknown, and it’s being reported that the bills are currently being held in cash packs … for now. Who knows what fate might lie for these now government issue counterfeit bills?

Before we go, let me drop one more number on you: 120 million. That’s amount of money it took your federal government to print these bills that won’t be used. Let the ranting by the unwashed masses of the internet begin in the comments!

‘Downhill bong hits’ not a name for a new trick

However, it’s still illegal. Just ask Melissa Giove.

The former mountain biking world champ was busted with a friend after police found 200 pounds of marijuana on them while in a truck. In this economy that’s only just now beginning to see an upswing, does mountain biking really get you enough money to buy a tenth of a ton of weed?

I mean, do people even care about mountain biking anymore? Didn’t that die out in the nineties? Along with Zubaz?

Weed–it’s the new greenback

As funny as it is, this is real money. Marijuana is not this. It’s quite clearly the age old question (at least, apparently in New Zealand), passed down from one generation of yokel to another-can I pay with cannabis? No, you cannot pay with cannabis. Just because it’s green does not mean that it can be substituted for green legal tender.

Surprise, surprise, that apparently never stopped a guy at a service station in New Zealand from having that radical train of thought. Seemingly out of money, the lad decided to offer marijuana as payment for his gas fill-up … along with two bags of M&M’s and a bag of potato chips. Way to break the stereotype there, guy. Alas, he’ll never know if his hippy utopian world of trading sticky-icky for products and services will come to be, as he apparently never noticed the police car outside of the station, nor the driver of the police car right behind him in the paying line. Yet again, way to break the stereotype there, guy.