Hey, we have an actual battle to tell you about!

You know that show Whale Wars on Discovery? It’s kind of creepy watching species traitors defend whales from the valiant Japanese warriors who are conducting research. Well, next season should be an interesting one.

First off, Bob Barker (yes, that Bob Barker) donated $5 million to the Sea Shepherds, the anti-whaling group the show follows. So they bought and named a boat after him. Then they got a third boat, only this third boat was in fact Batman’s boat. OK, well it was close, it blew circumnavigation records out of the, well, water.

On the first trip out with the Bob Barker and the Ady Gil (?), better known as the Batboat, the whalers ended up ramming the speed boat and slicing it in half. If only they had used the Bat Anti-Whaler Spray.

Be swell, harpoon a whale!

We’ve mentioned the fifth columnists that would betray the War on Animals in this blog before.  However, they have now taken over the media.

Animal Planet will run a new series called Whale Wars, which follows the Sea Shepherd Conservation Society, a group of animal lovers that hinder the Japanese warriors who put whales to good use: powering lamps and curing erectile dysfunction.

We’re shocked at this staunch betrayal by Animal Planet.  In the past, they’ve entertained us by forcing puppies to play in each others’ filth (Puppy Bowl) and with comedies like Animal Police.  The latter shows police catching people who don’t know how to kill their pets and just let them starve.

It’s obvious there is a liberal bias in the media, but we must remain vigilant in the War on Animals.  Those traitors activists will thank us when they can leave Antarctica.