Soon it’ll be “Ohhhhhh Canada”

Rarely has our category ever been more accurate.

Canada, specifically Ontario, has begun the first steps in legalizing prostitution. A ruling by a judge took down three laws under the pretense that it’s to balance the rights of sex-trade workers, rather than having to deal with the concept of morality.

Now, what does this mean?

  1. Prostitutes could eventually become a unionized group, an outcome that could possibly lead to scantily and garishly clad women going on strike and many single men becoming incredibly sore (we’ll let you read into that).
  2. Don’t be surprised to see home sales, apartment rentals and hotel stays in Ontario go up.

Happy ending parlor gets bad ending

Ear hygiene is serious business in Japan. From cute designer cleaning tools to high-tech endoscopic pickers, an entire industry has sprung up around sterilizing the ear canal. Weird as it might sound to foreigners, the ear-cleaning mania also has its roots in culture. Having someone else clean your ears is taken as a sign of intimacy, showing that you’d trust another person enough to allow them to stick foreign objects into your head.

It’s not surprising then, that businesses have also sought to cater to customers whose ear-sanitation needs are rooted more in social contact than pure hygiene, with ear-cleaning salons and parlors offering customers the chance to lay their head on a pretty yukata-wearing lady’s lap while she pick their ears and makes light conversation. That said, there’s such a thing as meeting a customer’s needs too well. Saitama city cops raided and shut down several “one-shot cleaning” parlors that were offering services extending far beyond simple earwax removal. One of the managers arrested ran similar outfits in different wards of the city.

Remember kids: crime does not pay. It is a dirty, dirty service, just as sticking something into your ears to “clean them out” is. Also, Japan is still totally weird.

Silly capitalist whores

The brothel business is booming in London town, BOOMING, we say, and the competition is creating a price war where you can get unprotected sex for just £25. That’s like … $350 American or something, so that might be a pretty good deal. One warning though–your chance of getting an STD and/or a new spawn is over 9,000. So, you might want to factor that into your decision.

Adam Smith would be proud. He’d still be dead, mind you. Horribly, horribly dead, but so very, very proud of the lesson that he’s taught.

You’re a Norse

Archaeologists are now participating in the “Hot or Not: History Edition” game.  The latest candidates are Viking women, who were discovered to wear provocative garments that put their breasts on snack trays.

So when you next encounter a group of women dressed out for a night on the club, don’t say they’re dressed like whores, but like Norse.