Setting the future back by a few years

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh Canada. You’re a friendly enough country that you’re supposed to be progressive toward the future, not against it.

A group of Ontario parents dubbed the Simcoe County Safe School Committee believes Wi-Fi transmitters in schools may be responsible for a host of symptoms their kids show — from headaches to an inability to concentrate — all of which disappear on weekends.

Now, just to point out something-what they’re essentially upset about are radio signals. You know what also uses radio signals? Radios. Of course, radio waves are actually weaker than actual visible light waves which you are immersed in constantly, but pay no heed to that.

Parents of Ontario, progress is not something that you should be scared about. Embrace it. Love it. Coddle it, rather than coddling your children with fear over nothing. The next thing you’ll tell us is that topically-applied fluoride doesn’t prevent tooth decay, but it does render teeth detectable by spy satellites.

Joining the mile-high club vicariously

American Airlines has only been testing their new wi-fi Internet service on 15 flights a day, but the flight attendants union is already asking how they can tone down the porn.

Gee, if only they could have used the plane’s radar to see that one coming a mile away. I mean, with the Internet being at least 85 percent porn, 14 percent pictures of cats and 1 percent Myspace, did no one see this coming at all?