It’s the Thursday before the Super Bowl, which means we’re on the home stretch of awful and stupid stories trying to fill the void of the two weeks leading up to the big game. Just hang in there for a few more days and it will all be behind us.
But until then, let’s talk about stupid things. For example, did you know that on Super Bowl Sunday, Americans will eat enough wings to circle the Earth three times over? Estimates are that 1.35 billion wings will be consumed on that highest of high holy days. And you just know that some of those will be boneless, because America isn’t strong anymore.
You know what? Let’s just watch that Eagles fan run into the pillar in the subway again.
Hurry up, Sunday.
A man by the name of Joey Chestnut marched his way down to Clearwater, Florida, to take part in the Hooters World Wing Eating Championship. He managed to win the contest by consuming 144 wings in 10 minutes.
15 minutes later, a toilet was violently assaulted.
“I have never seen anyone eat that many wings or eat that quickly,” said one Hooter’s Girl.
I don’t think anything sums up the story like that quote.
If you like wings, you’re not alone. Buffalo, barbecue, etc., they are growing in popularity, and that’s actually not a good thing.
Because so many jerks out there like the same bar food that you do, the price of chicken wings is increasing this year. Wings have increased in price by 39% since the 1970s, even with inflation. Last year they cost $1.47 per pound. So we’ll see if gas or wings make it to $3 first.
This is now creating a market for my new idea: buffalo chicken feet!