Tag: world record

She ain’t heavy, she’s a mother

It was speculated that the Guinness Book of World Records deliberately got rid of “fattest person” and “fattest pet” type records in order to avoid discouraging deliberately dangerous behavior.

Of course, the world tends to not include New Jersey in it (would you?). As such, Donna Simpson is on the road to fame!

And diabetes. And a heart attack. And infamy. And breathing problems. And a higher health insurance premium. And death.

Simpson, a resident of New Jersey, has decided to become the world’s fattest woman. She’s given no reason for wanting to be the bearer of that title, but, well … we’re just going to assume that it’s a New Jersey thing. Of course, she might be able to deduct her weekly grocery bill, $815, and this quest as a business expense, since she runs a Web site where viewers can watch her eat fast food.

I do believe that this might be the most f#$%ed up story on SeriouslyGuys yet.

You can set a world record, but you’re still the lamest kid in school

Danny Johnson, Wednesday, set a new world record in Guitar Hero III, toppling the previous record set last August in Minnesota.

This is what counts for news these days.

Seth Schiesel reports that Johnson recorded a score of 973,954 in a roughly seven-minute rendition of DragonForce’s Through the Fire and Flames at a Best Buy in Midtown Manhattan. Preparing for the record-setting run, Johnson went through about 80 Guitar Hero controllers, destroying them over the last nine months in practice sessions.

80 Guitar Hero controllers? That’s a lot money, even if you got them used.

Okay, let me revise the title: You can set a world record, but you’re still the lamest (though a member of possibly the most loaded family) kid in school. Word.

Oklahoma man strives for a place in history

As you might imagine, there is not a whole lot to do in Oklahoma. It’s flat, it’s got oil and it looks like a hand pointing west. Sure, there was a musical about the state, but really Oklahoma is Texas with an inferiority complex. And you thought it couldn’t get any worse than Texas.

But Oklahoma will serve as the backdrop for one of the the greatest feats ever attempted by mankind. Here, in the megalopolis known as Muskogee, Brian Jackson, a mortal man, will try to set a world record for inflating a weather balloon by mouth. Yes, a weather balloon is rather large. It’s 8 feet in diameter, to be exact. The world record currently is 42 minutes. Jackson first made it on the scene as a hotshot in inflating things by breaking the world record for blowing up a water bottle until it burst in 2006.

Why does he try this, you ask? Why does man explore the bottom of the sea? Why did we walk on the moon? Why did Christopher Columbus set sail across the Atlantic Ocean for points unknown? It is in our very being to do what seems impossible to accomplish. It is the search for glory that keeps us moving, and it is the shouts saying it can’t be done that give us the will to prove them wrong.

Godspeed, Brian Jackson.