Allies play ‘long game’ strategy in Germany

The most productive factory workers were able to lay hundreds of these "democracy eggs" a day.
The most productive factory workers were able to lay hundreds of these “democracy eggs” a day.

Back in the 1940s, the world wasn’t sure if German people would ever get back to wearing shorts with suspenders and just being all-around adorable. So, when the Allied powers began strategically bombing the Nazi out of Nazi Germany, they left a couple thousand long-term bombs behind, just in case those old feelings came creeping back.

And that’s why Berlin commuters couldn’t go to work today.

Nazi pigeon still on the loose

Antisemitic coos are a big clue, too.

Attention, British animal warriors! Be on the lookout for a one-legged septuagenarian pigeon who may, or may not, also sport an eyepatch and a tiny swastika. It appears that the bird, in trying to sabotage Great Britain’s effort in World War II, gnawed off its own leg rather than deliver a vital coded message.

If you find this pigeon, please be careful! Not because it will peck you, but because it has to be very, very brittle by now. The code-breakers from Britain’s main electronic intelligence-gathering agency, Government Communications Headquarters, want that bird alive. Otherwise, who knows when and where Jerry plans to strike next?

21st Century slated to deliver all of 20th’s promises

In 2008, Guns N’ Roses released Chinese Democracy.

2011: Duke Nukem Forever.

And now, slated for 2012: Lucasfilm will finally release George Lucas’ World War II dream project, Red Tails. Always the “next movie” Lucas promised after every turd that came out since 1988, Red Tails is the story of the Tuskegee Airman, the first African American fighter squadron and also holders of a near-perfect escort record.

What’s next? Flash Gordon 2? Maybe our uncles will finally get us the bikes they promised us for letting them watch us bathe.

Take it from Snee: Lightning Round Never Sleeps

I’m pooped. Not to dredge up too much boring domestic crap, but my entire apartment is in shambles from buying new bedroom furniture. On the pro side, there’s a mirror in my bedroom now. On the con side: my wife wouldn’t let me install it on the ceiling.

So, here are a few thoughts I had while cursing through my teeth. Continue reading Take it from Snee: Lightning Round Never Sleeps

The war on debt

History may tell you that the Allies won World War II, in fact, it was the U.S. that really did the winning. We tipped the balance in the European theater and pretty much ran the show in the Pacific theater, too. But the government’s effort was funded by American citizens.

Well the time has come to pay the piper, and what better a time than during a global financial crisis (remember, Bernake said the recession is over)? Six states are suing the federal government for over $16 billion for unclaimed war bonds.

But if we claim the war bonds now, doesn’t that mean that the Nazis win?

Love means never having to sign another treaty

Love. It’s the same all over the world. Unfortunately, so are the downsides of relationships, like break ups (and children).

Imagine two lovers joined together as one, as they had for many, many years. The man starts becoming more and more abusive, so the woman declares herself independent of the man and wins her battle. As with some break ups, the two can’t remain away for too long and start fighting again, with no change in the outcome.

Many years later, the woman comes to the man’s rescue, in the process becoming more powerful than she had ever thought she could become. Now the man sees the woman for her strong, feminine power and respects her for it. In truth, he does pretty much whatever she says.

The man in this story is the British Empire and the strong, empowered woman is the U.S. In case you were wondering the two lovers today are still friends with benefits.

An Internet star born–in a nursing home

Let’s face it, England has been boring since the end of World War II. Sure, they had a few good bands in the 1960s, but they all came over to the U.S. as soon as they could. Since then, it’s been Bond movies and David Beckham as highlights.

Perhaps that is why a 104-year old English woman is so popular on Twitter. She’s got over 27,000 followers and she loves tweeting, as the kids say.

She and other old ladies tweet about fun things like hair, Jell-O and brands of adult diapers. You can smell the excitement.

Perhaps the followers are hanging in suspense for when she kicks the tweet bucket.

The McBournie Minute: History That Happened in the Past (1950-1959)

When I was in school, in history classes they only taught us up until the end of World War II. This was not because I was going to school in the 1940s, but the teachers just ran out of steam or did not want to cover any of the controversial topics of the rest of the 20th century. The Nazis were evil, we beat them, America is a super power, the end. I had one high school American History course that made it to the Marshall Plan.

Still, I feel like something happened in those remaining 55 years that could better explain where we are today. That’s why I, Bryan McBournie, who minored in history, am here to help you learn about what happened through the decades since World War II. If you watch enough television  or listen to enough music ,you should know some of this yourself.

I’m starting with the 1950s. Why? Because nothing happened from 1946 to 1949 and you know it. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: History That Happened in the Past (1950-1959)

The fall fashions are in!

You wait long enough and eventually it comes back into fashion. In this case, it is once again cool to dress like a Nazi. Remember a few years back when Prince Harry dressed up like a Nazi for a party? How awesome was that! Who could ever take offense in dressing like that?

This fall, it’s what everyone’s going to be wearing, if the mayor of a Romanian town and his teenage son are any indication. They both dressed up in full World War II German Army officer uniforms (there’s a difference between Nazis and the German military, but whatever) to a fashion show. The father-son fashion duo entered the stage goose stepping, too.

For some reason, people want the mayor to step down.

The World War II on animals

This one’s a bit odd and very short on the facts, we’ll get to those in just a minute, though.

This was clearly a case of not being man’s best friend, more like man’s best frienemy. A dog was being walked through a park when it found a rusty object and brought it back to its owner yesterday.

Turns out, it was a live hand grenade–American–from World War II. One bad move on the dog’s part and this could have been a suicide bombing.

So, apparently old bombs and such from the war are still found all over the country. Don’t they ever comb through public areas to find these things? How many grenades were our boys dropping over there? Finally, if you’re in Germany, and a dog comes at you, can you grab an old grenade, pull the pin and throw it for the dog to go fetch?