They’ve got death threats on the Xbox Live now?

A boy from Maryland has been arrested after stealing access to a stranger’s Xbox Live account and using it to issue Columbine-style death threats, which is awesome if you want to get arrested quickly and surely.

Union County Prosecutor, Theodore J. Romankow revealed that the boy obtained access to the account via some shady deal on a “third party website.” Apparently the transaction involved a copy of “the Madden NFL”, although no further details have been made known. This would have made a TON more sense if it involved “the Madden PGA.”

The teenager then took the account, belonging to a Berkeley Heights HS student, and proceeded to send death threats to everybody on his friends list, which included other high school members. He declared he would bring a gun to school and start shooting people. After parents were alerted to the threats, they contacted the police. The owner of the Gamertag denied sending the messages, and after cops traced the account history, they discovered the actual perpetrator in Maryland. After cops finally tracked him down, it became clear there was no real threat.

Except for him getting plugged in prison (and we know what I mean). He could nonetheless face serious charges since stealing accounts and using them to issue death threats is still, y’know, a crime.

Too gay for Xbox Live

When banned, a 26-year-old Xbox Live gamer called Xbox support to explain that his town of Fort Gay, West Virginia, was a real place and not a homosexual slur, he was threatened with account cancellation. Nice customer relations.

Josh Moore found himself temporarily suspended from Xbox Live last week due to an offensive word in his profile. Moore lives in Fort Gay in West Virginia. The word “gay” in the place name set off red flags with Xbox Live, and Moore found himself suspended, the town name removed from his bio. When he contacted customer service about this, he was told that he could not be helped.

Now, here’s where the hilarity of a small town comes into play. Fort Gay mayor David Thompson tried to intervene on his behalf, only to be told that the town’s name didn’t matter, and the word “gay” was offensive in any context. This is important to know since Microsoft changed the Live policy earlier this year and made it okay to express your sexuality in your gamertag or profile. Whoops. It finally took being brought to the attention of Stephen Toulous, director of policy and enforcement for Xbox Live, for this matter to be resolved.

However, if you live in Bryanisadouchebagville or come from Rickisacharterneonaziburg, don’t be surprised if your info comes under scrutiny.

Virginia is for pedophilic gamers

Who knew that chatting up 13-year olds via Xbox Live then asking them for naked photos would be so frowned upon? What’s that you say? Anyone with a shred of common sense? What’s also that you say? We did very early on in our SG career? That’s right, we did.

One man who learned that lesson the hard way was 24 year old Portsmouth, Virginia resident Ryan Edwin Donker. Donker, whose very last name might even be considered inappropriate for those underage, admitted to police that he had asked for naked photos of an Xbox Live user from Fayetteville, Arkansas. He was arrested, extradited to Arkansas, charged with a felony and held on $20,000 bond.

The Fayetteville Police Department recorded multiple Xbox Live conversations between Donker and the boy following the first incident.

According to reports from the Northwest Arkansas Times, Donker told police that requests for naked pictures from the boy were a “joke.” Right. Whatever you say, Donker.

I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again: Virginia, sometimes you make me want to live in another state.