Nobody believed Ranger Smith that not only were there picnic basket-stealing bears, but they wore height-appropriate ties and talked, too.
Stressed, they called him. Little did they know that Mr. Ranger Sir was lord and protector of acres of marijuana.
That’s right: national parks are now increasingly home to lower cartel marijuana growers. So, if you want to sit in the woods and not pay for pot, then hippie, have we got the job for you.
New Jersey sucks–everyone knows that. That’s why it produces such great music. People know that the music industry is their only hopes of making it out of the wilds of the Garden State. Yes, if we had to off one state, we all know we’d aim the missiles at “Jersey.”
Unfortunately, the animals know it, too. They know that if an attack happens there, the rest of the country is not going to lift a finger to assist. Recently, the animals moved their focus on Boonton Township, New Jersey.
Last Thursday, a black bear broke into a human’s garage, went into the freezer and snacked on all the meat that was in there. The bear made off with chicken breasts, hamburgers, sausage, steaks and a loaf of bread for, you guessed it, a pic-a-nic.
A few days later, police were called in to deal with a crazy groundhog. Oh yes, this groundhog tried to attack a citizen and both arresting officers. A man called police when he tried to leave his house and get into his truck when he was attacked by the groundhog. Despite being kicked several times, the beast just kept coming. He had to retreat into the house and call the police. They eventually maced the beast and took him away for “questioning.”
I smell a Springsteen song!
